Growing Into Yourself!

Who knew that it might take most of your life to figure out who you really are or for you to feel like your life really spoke to who you truly are? Aren’t you supposed to have all of that figured out before graduating highschool?!

Seriously – I’m not sure that anyone here is ever 100% of who they want to be, but I know now that you definitely aren’t in your younger years – when you think you have it all figured out yet at the same time you feel like life is just one big ball of confusion. It’s almost like all those years are just spent going in circles, wasted. But for whatever reason they were somehow needed in order for us to eventually capture a more accurate reflection of who we truly are. At the age of 30, my life says more about me than it ever did before, thank God for that & that I lasted this long! Of course there’s always room for improvement & there are always dreams that we hope to somehow obtain, but there is a much greater peace as you get older – it really is true. Guess I didn’t really believe that stuff.

My SO found 3 gray hairs (one for each of my kids I suppose?!) the other day. At first I was a little aggitated & irritated. I mean turning 30 sparked nothing in me, I felt great – I had arrived! Turning 40, 50 – who cares? Birthdays don’t matter! But a few gray hairs, all of a sudden I turned into one of those dramatics that annoy me. But then as the day went on & I told my story to a friend, I realized that I had earned those 3 gray hairs & that I should be thankful that I’m still alive to see them...with another full life ahead of me – hopefully a more authentic one. 

I was always chasing something outside of myself thinking that it would make me somehow happier or more fulfilled – which of course was so not true. Maybe the whole time I was chasing things, I was going too fast for anything real to catch up to me? Now, after standing still long enough, I’m finally beginning to see and appreciate more of who I really am daily. It really is a shame when others around you know you better than you know your own self. But these things just take time I guess – possibly a whole lifetime. And the point of it all? Seems like I won’t truly be happy until my boobs are falling to my knees and my teeth are gone – crap!