I Think I Betta Let It Go . . . .

 Listen to the song (Teddy Pendergrass: Love TKO)

Yes, Teddy P- I think I betta let it go . .

I love bright patterns esspecially, ones that offer an hommage to the designs of Emilio Pucci. I admire sustainable fashion designers like Linda Loudermilk, yoga sutras as worship, vegan cuisine, my "real friends" who are tried tested and true and loyal - whether I'm present or not.

Lately, I've fallen madly in love with my curly 'fro. Its got a life of its own,just like me- it doesn't always get with the program and is reminsicent of Lenny Kravitz's lead guitarist's top mop. Got to love those jewish genes!

Obsessive . . okay, intense is the bond between my strands and I. I mean, I saw Lenny live and what I remember, ten years later is his front man's glowing copper, spiraled halo.. . . sexy. But what's not sexy is immaturity, people who stand for nothing and everything all at once and those live by-- "group consensus".

When is it time to let go of what we think we know, think we understand and are sure we've mastered? I was led to believe that one begins to grow comfortable in one's skin in one's 20s. Not always so, I'm finding that it can take a while to develop a sense of self that supports, in any environment one's full spirit and that evolution often takes a lifetime.

I'm often taken aback by the notion that I'm just blossoming into my real self (in certain aspects). Then again, where in American culture is their room for a 50 year olds to still grow, by 30 we often expect "early" retirement and the launching of our second careers- right?

As I've matured, I've realized that I still love many of the things I did as a child, such as time alone, a good book, fashion, horses, cooking from scratch ( I once made my mother 5 pounds of coconut shrimp not realizing that portion control is a valid part of designing a meal experience) and global exploration.

We all have unique energy levels and I believe there is a purpose for that- speed living isn't an option for me. However, I see so many people just whittling away their life force. Why do so many of us find it hard to stand apart form the herd? We pause before we say what we really feel, we tell white lies under the guise of being politically correct and we are oft duplicitous, left with twlight regret. Why not just design a life you can be proud of- aren't you worth a little extra work? I know I am.

It's really not hard at all to stop trying to be "the same",albeit it takes a bit of courage and in certain instances, a dose of insanity coupled with long periods of solitude and a complete  abandonment of "playing it safe". You've got to be okay with being a "drop out" in terms of the people pleasing club and become more conscious of just how expensive some of your relationships have been and are. How else can one evolve and be introspective, to develop a strong sense of self, other than by taking a long hard look in the mirror with pen in hand and then committing to a total humanoid redesign?

I've learned that I'm, stonger than I thought, I've got barrels of "you don't want none of this sister" and I've honestly earned what I have. Yet still I feel the joy, the excitement of the possibility of my best exsistence.I've learned success means different things to different people and when I'm in my rocking chair I'm going to smile when I think of the span of my life and its impact as long ago I decided to "pay the cost to be the boss" and live on my own terms.

I know that I'm an artist, creative energy ever striving to perfect its expression and I dig that. I embrace my eccletic nature, my old soul, my "cultured not elitist" mind and my penchant for wandering-- off topic, bravely in new directions or to a remote part of the planet. Its taken some practice but I've banned negativity from my life, made a few executive command decisions (after realizing that we're all ceo's of the "self" corporation) and yes, I do hand out applications for new relationships, in order to determine whether I wish to extend any of my life energy credit to another.

I want reciporacal relationships and my time is now-- just that valuable. Is yours?

As a fan of "what could I have done better", I'm learing that sometimes it isn't you, that people can be immature and petty but ultimately being born in the West means that I have the last say on who is in my environment. Sometimes, a simple change,the embracing of the lifestyle you truly desire, will transform your very exsistence and no one else will be able to relate. For example, I recently encountered an old "associate", and was surprised by my reaction, I simply didn't care. The void of feeling inspired me to write, I wasn't engaged in what had been, what she thought, we had nothing in common to discuss and I privately but immediately started to think about how it is that we came into contact- yet again.

Sometimes, I think the universe gives us signals that we're headed in the wrong direction but our egos won't allow us to release "our plans", change directions and let go. So, much of our identity is wrapped up in the whispers of people who do't know us or even themselves. So many of us, allow ourselvs to become prisoners of expectations rather than to simply stand our ground and be our best selves- right now.

My God, it never occurs to us that we are awesome, the star of someone else's drama, an energy force that they admire but don't have the capacity to comprehend or connect to. So, I beg to offer you that notion. This week, my dear Skirt-setters and life fans, I want you do promise to do one fearless thing that resonates in your soul, then tell me how it felt.

My fearless act is to simply, as Teddy Pendergrass once sang, to "just let it go". I'm letting go of all that has been negative, while preserving all the life enhancing lessons hidden within the experience, that have added to my life.

Maybe you should consider doing the same.