Hoop Dreams

I have been online for a majority of this (gorgeous, sunny, warm) Monday. But I wasn't just putzing around, I was on a mission: a mission to find basketball shoes. This is far, far more difficult than it sounds and has reprecussions beyond fit and function. These shoes, buying them, wearing them - with the right socks and shorts no less - will dictate how my 33rd year will go.

Am I overstating the importance of the purchase of a pair of athletic shoes? NOT AT ALL. I have just agreed to play in a coed basketball league and our first game is this weekend. Coed sports? Everyone plays right? Not a big deal. But basketball is very much a big deal for me. I have not owned basketball shoes or played an organized game of basketball in over 10 years. That's a decade. And if you're keeping track of your math, that means I was 23 years old the last time I dribbled, guarded, shot and rebounded. Now I'm 33 - as of last week - and playing a game of basketball, and choosing the damn shoes, has me in fits.

I have played soccer, competitively as often as possible, since I stopped playing in college (also a decade + ago) and I am usually totally at home doing physical activities and being competitive. On the soccer field any self conciousness about how old I am, and how young my opponents might be disappears. On the field, I feel like a little kid; getting dirty, falling down, running around and staying up late on school nights. So when I first flirted with the idea of trying a basketball league, I didn't think twice; until I started thinking. Now all those doubts that usually fade away when I'm playing have become both the angel and devil on my shoulder.

I'm obsessed and wish I could watch as a fly on the wall for a game or two before I lace up my high tops. I have questions! What kind of shoes do the kids wear? Black, white, gray? Low, mid, high tops? Baggy shorts or old-school shorties? Socks to the knee, to the ankle? But really all the questions are for me. How do I just rock my shoes, shorts and socks no matter what everyone else is doing? And how do I drop these age insecurities that have snuck the hell up on me and find that confident self I've always relied on in in the sports realm?

I've been hitting the self-depricating route thus far and preparing myself and others (who probably don't actually give a hoot) for some sort of America's Funniest Home Videos moments. But starting today - well tomorrow - I'm going to play it straight. I'm excited to play! I have always loved basketball and to be able to play again is awesome. And I'm darn proud of my still-competitive nature and being active enough to give anything a go. In fact, I played a little game of pick-up 21 at the YMCA this morning and won. I watch my own Mom and Dad, both still trying new things (spinning, soccer) and putting aside their insecurities to move and play. Truly, the alternative, to be intimidated into inactivity is unacceptable.

I'm still hung up on what to wear. I can't reason that away. But I also know that if I can just block out this crappy insecurity business, a few minutes on the court will bring me back a few years. And the first time that I dunk all over someone (just making sure you're paying attention) I'll know I bought the right shoes and brought the right attitude.

If you're lucky, I'll post a picture of my hot new high tops.