Emotional Equality in Parenting?

Are your relationships with your parents emotionally equal?

I've always had a different type of relationship with my mother than my father. It's not disproportionate in how much I love and respect them, but the level of emotional intimacy is very different.

I recently had a bit of a falling out with my parents, the first in my adult life. During our conflict my mom is the one who reached out and volunteered to be the beneficiary of my sharp tongue and raw emotion, but in reality everything I said to her I should have also said to my father. I'll probably never have the same conversation with him, and it's my mom who ends up carrying the burdens of interpersonal conflict.

It's always been this way. Dad is the go-to-guy for all things unrelated to the heart. My mom — she's the parent who has to wade through puddles of tears and sooth bruised souls. I find myself wondering if women naturally end up being the parent who care-takes a family's emotional well being, or if this is something we create within our family dynamics.

Last summer when my son broke his leg, I called my parents from the hospital and Dad answered the phone. As I was explaining what happened, I started to cry. At the first sign of tears my father handed the phone to my mother. If I called to say I was stranded with a broken-down car, my dad would drive the 1200 miles to fix it without even being asked. But fixing tears ... that's mom's department.

I do know some people who are more emotionally intimate with their fathers than their mothers, but it seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

I already notice that when my four-year-old's feelings are bruised, he turns more quickly to me than my husband for comfort or resolution. My husband is as well equipped to sooth heart ache as I am, or is he? Is the way my son reacts based on something he's learned within our family — something we've unintentionally taught or modeled for him, or is seeking emotional comfort from a female more instinctual than functional — is it part of the age-old-debate of nurture versus nature?