Blog: "Caution, May Cause Strange Dreams"

In keeping with my New Year's Resolution to watch less TV, I was watching TV, when one of those pharmaceutical commercials interrupted my viewing pleasure.  Knowing this commercial would be way too long for my five-second attention span, I began looking for the remote so I could check in and see what was happening with Jean Luc-Picard and the rest of the Enterprise Crew. Remote poised and ready, I suddenly heard the auctioneer-like voiceover man annouce the last horrific side effect of the medicine being hawked, "Caution, may cause strange dreams." Um...huh?

May cause strange dreams?!  WHAT KIND OF STRANGE DREAMS??  Shouldn’t there be a LIST for that?  Shouldn’t THAT be a part of the disclaimer?  “May cause strange dreams about scary man-eating clowns” is much different than “may cause strange dreams about being married to George Clooney,” don’t you think? 

Now, I’m feeling bad for these people that are taking this drug that is suppose to help them but is apparently giving them night-terrors.  I imagine hundreds of frightened test subjects sweating while getting into bed.  These innocent men and women lie down for the night willing themselves to have NORMAL dreams just this once.  They just need a decent night’s sleep.  They just need to have some normal dreams with talking cows and pretty pink sheep.  But, sadly, this is not to be.  Sadly, on this medication, these overtired people can never have a normal dream again.

Test subject #50 is sweating and watching Home Shopping in order to try and stay awake.  She can’t take another night of scary talking Christmas Trees blaming her for being cut-down in the prime of life.  Test subject #32 paces the halls while his wife is sound asleep.  It’s 3:33am, but he is terrified to go to sleep.  His eyes are bloodshot, but still he can’t bring himself to go to bed.  He can’t face him again.  He can’t face another night of a yelling Gordon Ramsey eating the pasta he cooked, then turning into a noodle, and eating himself.  Test subject #112 is the worst.  She hasn’t slept in three nights.  She has missed two days of work and has the shakes from all the coffee she has comsumed.  She simply can’t take another dream of Leonardo DiCaprio planting random thoughts into her subconscious.  (Or WAS that a dream???)  

The thing is, ever since I’ve heard that disclaimer, I’ve had strange dreams.  No joke!  It’s been…well…strange.  I can’t even remember what these dreams are about, but I do remember waking up each time and thinking, “Boy, THAT was strange.”  So, perhaps I should attach a disclaimer to this blog.  In fact, I will, just so I can cover all my bases.  Here goes…

CAUTION: THIS BLOG MAY CAUSE STRANGE DREAMS.

ABOUT BEING MARRIED TO GEORGE CLOONEY.

You’re welcome.

follow me on twitter @tonilynh