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viewsStand Up for Yourself...Or Tell Your Mom?
By TheMommyhood, Tuesday, February 22, 2011, 5 commentsMy three-year old went "Ralphie" on another child at a fastfood playarea today.
Several kids are in the play area and another little boy (also about three) punched my son in the gut. Instinctively, my son punched him back. Then, not satisfied with his retaliation, my darling angel gets closer to the child and proceeds to slap him about the head repeatedly.
Now I have to tell you, I have never seen my child act this way. Normally, we just get the odd kick or pinch, but the “Ralphie” moment caught me quite by surprise.
Shocked, I hopped up to intervene.
I went in to stop him and check on the other child. I told my son not to hit, etc. I told him if someone hits him not to hit back and to come and tell me. My daughter was there to chime in with “Mom, that would make him a tattletale.”
Enough with the good points, kiddo!
We have told my son not to tattle in other scenarios, so was he just taking care of business the best way he knew how? Obviously, he was a little over the top with the head-slapping (totally laughing as I write that), but was the initial retaliatory punch just him standing up for himself? I want him to stand up for himself.
I can’t believe I just wrote that. In no way do I condone violence.
Even when I told my husband what happened on the phone I found myself wondering about when it’s okay to stand up for yourself and how to explain the judgment call to a three-year-old.
You just can’t.
So I think I have to tell him – in this instance, to stand up for yourself verbally and don’t hit back. Basically, tell the kid it's not okay and then come tattle to Mommy until you are a little older.
I am all over the place on this one and I know I sent my child some mixed messages today. I need to think about it some more so I can talk to him tomorrow. What do you guys think? Any advice?
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5 Comments
"Ralphie" cracked me up!
I'm never going postal again...only Ralphie from now on : )
Seriously, this is hard stuff to work through and only gets harder. My boys are 14, 11 and 7 and I'm STILL trying to figure it out. I think all you can do is tout the non-violence route but recognize that sometimes defending oneself means hitting back. And as a parent, sometimes we have to recognize that a child will reach their limit and start with the head-slapping. The trick is to catch it before it gets there. When you figure out how to do that, please let me know.
"Ralphie"
If I figure it out, you'll be the first to know. I was just so caught off guard by it. When it happens again - hopefully I'll be better prepared having had this experience.
My older child is a girl, so we don't have a lot of rough housing in my house. This is totally new territory.
Well, onward! Have a great day, Kate!
"Ralphie"
If I figure it out, you'll be the first to know. I was just so caught off guard by it. When it happens again - hopefully I'll be better prepared having had this experience.
My older child is a girl, so we don't have a lot of rough housing in my house. This is totally new territory.
Well, onward! Have a great day, Kate!
Interesting situation
I have a 21yrs old and a 14yr old. I always told them to tell the other kid to stop hitting them. Then, if the kid didn't tell the nearest adult. IF there is no adult near them, then move away from the kid.
I can't remember any situation where they needed to hit back at all. So, this must have been a good approach. However, every child is different. Sounds like you may want to give your daughter a lesson about when she needs to have her brother's back and when it's ok to let it ride. (smile) LOVE Her for that by the way.
Remember: whatever you decide - right wrong good or bad - it will ALWAYS be the mother's fault anyway. Cheers!
It's just hard because he is
It's just hard because he is only three and not able to think rationally when he's calm, much less under attack. I've been reinforcing the correct behavior over the last several days and he's starting to remember what I want him to do. Now, whether or not that information is on recall for the next incident remains to be seen.
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