Is it Tougher Today to be a Teen?

      Is it tougher being a teen these days than when I was a teen?  I was talking to my friend tonight and on Mother's Day her 13 year old daughter tried to kill herself.  She was alerted to this fact when the police and ambulance showed up at her door.  Apparently, her daughter had texted a friend that she had taken pills and was going to end it.  The girl who was texted told her mother who immediately called the police.  I am not sure why this mother didn't also call my friend.  Perhaps she did not have a phone number and only knew the address?  My friend said her daughter resorted to this act apparently because some teenage girls have been mean to her daughter. 

      I remember being in school and feeling very lonely.  I was the nerd in school.  I had frizzy, unruly hair.  This was before we had so many anti-frizz products on the market and I have naturally curly hair.  I wore glasses and I had crooked teeth and freckles.  I was not an attractive child.  I was that kid who got picked on by fellow students.  I was called four eyes.  I was called bush head.  I was called ugly.  I was ridiculed many days by my fellow students.  But I felt sad and alone and depressed because of what others said about me and about the way they treated me.  I cried many days and nights.  I never told my parents about what was happening to me.  I suffered in silence.  But I never reached a point where I tried to commit suicide.  I thought about it some days, but knew I couldn't do that to my parents.  Deep down I knew my parents loved me and that I could not cause them the grief they would feel if they lost their daughter to suicide.  But how did I know that and why does that thought not keep today's teens from attempting suicide?  How is it that I was strong enough to deal with the taunting of classmates, but so many teens in school today just can't deal with it?  Can we so easily blame the increased pressure kids feel due to social media?  Is it because kids are being texted cruel things or reading nasty comments on their Facebook page?  Are kids just more cruel these days or are kids more sensitive? 

    When I was young, I just somehow dealt with the cruelty of others.  But when I hear about the teen suicide rate rising and my friend's young daughter tries to take her life, it makes me wonder what is going on with our teens today?  My theory is that kids aren't as tough these days.  I don't want to sound old, but in my day, kids just sucked it up and moved on.  We learned that there are winners and losers.  Everyone didn't make the team just for showing up.  Everyone didn't get a trophy just for being on the team.  Everyone was not a winner.  I actually felt like a big loser most days thanks to comments from my classmates.  But because I had experienced pain and disappointment earlier in my life, it better prepared me for the taunting and teasing.  I was able to just know that these kids were cruel and that what they said was not necessarily true and I guess I knew that one day I could get contacts, wear braces, get better control of my frizzy hair, and use makeup to cover all my freckles.  I knew that sticks and stones would break my bones, but names would never hurt me.  Deep down I believed in myself despite the fact that I was being teased daily.  I believe that today's parents wanted better for their kids and they believed the way to do that was to shield them from hurt and disappointment.  They bought into the belief that it is good to make everyone a winner.  But here is the hard truth about life -- there are two types of people - the winners and the losers.  And to me the losers were those kids who needed to put me down to make themselves feel better. But are kids today learning this lesson?  

   What is wrong with our society that we don't do a better job of instilling self confidence in our teens?  Why don't we do a better job of insuring that our kids won't get so upset by comments made by other students?  Yes kids can be cruel.  I don't think that we are ever going to get to a point where kids never tease or ridicule each other.  It would be a perfect world if we did.  But kids have been teasing each other for longer than I've been alive and will continue to do so long after I die.  So we need to do a better job of having our teens be stronger.  But I am not sure how we go about doing that.  

   It saddens me that my friend's daughter attempted suicide by taking all the pills she could find in the family medicine cabinet.  My friend also discovered that her daughter had been cutting herself.  I know my friend did not know this was happening.  I know my friend is a good mother.  I just don't know how something like this happens.  Is it because of something the parents did or didn't do?  Is it because of the added pressure from teenagers these days?  I remember when my friend called me years ago and was so excited that her daughter was testing so smart they wanted to put her ahead a grade.  I think she was going to skip the second or third grade.  My friend was so happy that her daughter was so smart.  I did not think it was such a great idea to have a child skip a grade.  But I am not a parent.  Her daughter is a smart child - intellectually.  Her daughter is not so smart emotionally.  How do we improve the emotional intelligence of our teens? 

    I don't really have the answer here and I wish I did so that I could better help my friend cope through this difficult time.  I feel sorry that she is having to go through this.  I know it will take a long time for her daughter to overcome this.  I just wish there was a better way to educate our children about the hardships of life and to know that people can be cruel but it's no reflection on who you are.  I am not sure how I learned that lesson--but I wish I could find a way to instill this thought in today's teens.