Call Me Many Things, Just Don't Call Me a Second Class Friend

I guess it's the end of a 33 year friendship.  I was told today by a friend that I have "treated her like a second class friend for many many years now and she can substantiate it."  I was totally taken aback by this statement.  It shocked me on many levels.  First of all, I didn't know there was a ranking level of friendships similar to the passengers on the Titanic.  I suppose our friendship will now be at the bottom of the ocean because apparently it hit an iceberg on the 4th of July and just like that ship that was never supposed to sink, our friendship has forever been altered and will remain buried at sea. 

I wanted to ask my friend Stacy if she had any first class friends.  But I resisted stooping to her level.  I mean was I supposed to ask her to go ahead and substantiate the times when she felt I had treated her as a second class friend?  Was I supposed to defend myself against her accusations of what she perceived as my poor behavior as a friend?  I decided at the time not to get into it all with her.  I simply told her that I was sorry she felt like I treated her as a second class friend.  I apologized again for the 4th of July fiasco and I told her she knew how to reach me when or if she ever wanted to.  And I left.   But I was truly hurt that she called me a second class friend.  I am truly appalled that she thinks I was anything but a great friend over the past 30 years.  

Second of all, really?  Really?! She has been harboring resentment about what she feels was my poor treatment of her for years and she never said anything to me at all?  She never said anything at the time of any of this perceived misbehavior?  And truly I cannot think of a time over the past 33 years that I have ever not treated her as anything less than a good friend.  So even though I am curious to know the times she felt slighted, I am not going to go there to try and defend myself against every little thing.   I

I have always prided myself on being a great friend.  I think my friends would verify that.  But you know,  I was shocked by this friend so maybe I need to re-examine my friendships.  But this whole situation makes me think a lot about what it means to be a friend.  Friends don't keep track of rights and wrongs against each other do they? Friends are supposed to accept each other for who they are and deal with each other's faults and downfalls and be there for each other.  I mean if I can't count on a friend to be there for me - can I really call them a friend?  I have been through a lot with this friend Stacy and I truly thought we would be friends for the rest of our lives.  But I can say at this minute right now, I am almost glad that this friendship is over.  I have to wonder if she were to contact me in a few months or even a few years would I be able to pick up and be friends with her again.  I did say that she knew how to reach me if she ever wanted to.  I believe that a friend is someone who will always be there for you and to overlook your bouts of craziness.  But if the other person doesn't think the same about friendship can you be friends?  I mean really if Stacy is going to be so petty and be measuring me against some chart that I don't know about, is she really a friend?  

On the 4th of July, I apparently assumed that it would be okay for another friend of mine and a friend of her's to come and watch the fireworks at Stacy's Buckhead condo.  I think I said something like - Bobbi wants to come and watch the fireworks down here and her friend Debra is visiting her this weekend.  So I didn't really ask Stacy's permission in the sense that asked her would it be okay if my friend and her friend came down to her condo.  I guess I just assumed that Stacy would not mind to have some extra folks to take advantage of her great location. But things went a little crazy when Bobbi's friend got drunk and Stacy and Bobbi got into an argument.  Apparently, unbeknownst to me, I only learned today, that Stacy thought I should defend her against things Bobbi said to her.  Let me just say I am not even aware of all that was said between the two of them -- and I'm sorry ---was Stacy's mouth taped shut that she could not speak up for herself?  I mean really can you not defend yourself against what you perceive as a wrong?  She knows Bobbi - and although they are not friends-- we have all been out together on several occasions together.  I just don't know what I was supposed to say to either of them.  I mean at the time I wanted to tell both of them they were acting like children and to grow up.  I just am at a loss as to what I was supposed to do or say to either of them.  I guess I still don't know what to say to either of them.  I have not heard from my friend Bobbi either.  

I hate to see friendships end.  I know there are some people who come into your life when you need them and sometimes you don't remain friends with them forever.  But usually such friendships end because a person moves away or perhaps you change jobs and don't see that person as often, or someone gets married and the other remains single and you just have different priorities and lifestyles.  But I truly hate to see friendships dissolve over stupid fights or arguments.  I mean aren't friends supposed to forgive one another?  Isn't that just a part of friendship?  

Oh well, I could go on and on about friendships.  I have many good friends and I guess I will have to let these two friendships go.  I am hoping to take the high road here and if either one of them ever contacts me again I guess I will talk with them and maybe we can patch things up.  But knowing Stacy as well as I do, that is not going to happen.   She will hang on to her resentment and anger for the rest of her life.  That is the kind of person she is.  I have overlooked that character flaw in her for years.  She always hangs on to things too long and has to ruminate over perceived hurts and wrongdoings forever.  She has stopped going to places because of perceived bad service.  She gets ticked off at something and hangs onto it for years.  So I am sure she will hold this against me for the rest of time.   But I can't help but feel sorry for her because she is like this and understandably does not have many friends.  So if she does ever decide to contact me, though I could bet you a million dollars that won't happen --but if it were to happen - I wonder if I would befriend her again or if I won't bother because I don't want to be judged on my friendship.  I don't want to have to be measuring up to some friend chart or grading scale that I don't even have access to viewing to know how I can score to be the perfect friend.