I Ain't no Joke!

Ok,

So I have this contractor, who is also a friend of mine, finishing the construction of my basement. Now, this project has been ongoing since the end of February. That was wintertime people. We are entering July... it's officially summer folks. So, WHY IN 'D' HELL is this man taking so long to finish a project that should have only taken a month? Let me give you the watered down, “edited for strong language” version:

February: Contract signed, paid 1/2 up front+supply money. I'm excited, I ready HGTV style live and direct at my place right?! Hmmm, not quite...

March: Things were not really shaking or moving at all. I'm not sure what the hold up was, could've been the cold keeping the worker bees at home, I dunno.

April: The bees suddenly emerge from hibernation! Work around the crib resumes... things are looking like progress. But wait, I already paid half of the money upfront as agreed upon in the contract-- so, why is my contractor/ (soon to be former) friend asking for an $800 advance on his balance? I don't know but I definitely felt some kind of way about forking over that chunk of cash knowing I would be out of town and unable to keep and eye on things. Against my better judgment I decided to advance the cash in good faith hoping everyone would let their conscious guide and motivate them to 'keep up the good work'.

Unsurprisingly, upon my returning NOTHING had been done! So much for being nice, I guess.

May: Now by this time I'm pretty fed up with the pattern of coming and going to work at my house only when the sun shines on the dark side of the moon. I'm ready to give this guy my ass to kiss and hire someone else. The next thing I know he's telling me he needs more funds to sub-contract someone to help him finish the drywall! I'm like, "That sounds like a personal problem to me. I've already paid you more than I should have and you ain't really done much as far as I can see (yeah, I had to get a little bit 'hood on that). You're just going to have to work around that mismanagement of funding problem that you seem to be having." Do you know this knucklehead had the nerve to go out of town for not one, but three weeks with zero communication about when he would return to finish the job! I said ok, I'm not going to worry about this... I know where this fool lives in case I have to... never-mind... TMI.

June: The knuckle head returns, still asking for a cash advance. By this time I've learned my lesson. I'm like, "No, every time I give you money you seem to disappear like a crack head, and I’m not going for that again. You'll get your money when the job is done, period."

A week goes by and the beehive, which is my house, is rockin' like never before. I mean those guys were working until at least 10-11 pm EVERYDAY for at least a week! So, I'm looking around like, ok-- this is good. No sooner than I started making ice water rounds to the fellas downstairs here comes the knucklehead in charge asking for $400 pocket money "for the workers". Now, I said to myself ok, they've been putting in 12 hour days; we're close to the end, why not? We agreed that I would advance the $400, pay the balance upon completion, minus $500 that I would keep until he got the cooling & heating guys in to finish the last detail of getting the system running. That was Friday night y'all.

I didn't know he was going to turn around on Monday and ask for an additional $300 to take care of a court fine (read-- personal problem). You already know what the answer to that was... 'OH HELL NO'! Enough is enough already, DAMN! So, this fool got mad and tried to bluff and say that he quit and was coming to get his tools in the morning. I said that would be fine. Although, I really wanted him to finish I absolutely intended to hold up my end of the contract and pay him off. As calmly and plainly as I could, I said "If you DON"T finish and I have to pay someone else to complete what you started, I'll see you in court-- HOLLA!" Take that you traitor!

Needless to say, the crew (who apparently he hasn’t given a dime to yet) showed up and nearly finished everything just today. The foreman, excuse me-- I meant knucklehead, showed up around 8, that's pm, to lend a hand. I guess he decided not to quit after all.

I was so proud of myself for not only sticking to my perpetual guns, but for pulling them out and letting shots ring through the air. Non-believers beware; get low and take cover, my aim is exceptional. What's the use of having guns or, in my case, principles if you don't make hard headed people respect your boundaries? I'm a nice girl until I feel like I'm being taken advantage of or manipulated into doing something I don't want to. That's a whole other side of viciousness that you don't want to see up close.

Anyhow, tomorrow we will finalize the addendum to the contract and make our 2nd to last payment. The crew will be packing up and clearing out!

When I tell you I have used more curse words this week than I usually average in a whole month, you can just call me Ms. Bitch, thank you! The moral of the story is... if you didn't know, contrary to popular opinion, I AM the WRONG bitch to be f***ed with! Just ask my contractor.

Kickin’ ass and takin’ names,

Tea~baby