Life As A Tree

I am here more than I used to be, joining in the grand scheme of things.

I realize I've failed in so many ways.

I am more present than ever before. I'm trying.

I'm dying, to know- what you would have wrote, had I not been a tree.

 But, I am a tree. It's what I am, you see?

Here you are, and there I Be, dreaming things you've never seen.

Only catching a glimpse into what has been and what will be.

And I will never be able to give them to you.

But I want to...

I know my limits and there are many.

I know my story and I know it's ending.

Such is life as a tree, I'll be here-watching you leave.

Peace and be still, as the children carve into me, their names in a heart, acts of Chilvary.

I take in every moment in silent revelry.

No one will ever know how unhappy I am just to Be- a part of it all.

The start of it all-

Will you find my scars and admire them fifty years from now, when we find ourself-

Well, here you are; and there I'll BE- the same old places we've never been.

Journeying through the stories of our youth and adamant love,

 it being a thing that I was way too afraid to partake of.

I understand why you've stayed, but how?

What say you now?

Say to me, what you would have written in your heart, in ours?

Should we have become one of those that had carved-

And then tell me the story of why.

For your five thousand tries more lies behind your scars;

much more than mine, for I've only stood still, huddling

in the safety of the shadows.

You have been a warrior in your own ways in the midst of everyday

marching on through the madness that evolves in my shade of grey.

I don't deserve you.

I never have.

Because I am what I am.

I should have given you more

I could have given you better.

I would have written you that soulful love letter.

Carved it right into me, just like the others did.

But, I am a tree.

I dedicate theirs to you?

I mean every rip and tear- I mean, I am sorry that I exist in fear

I mean I want to share-

Just give it all, I'm so afraid to give in.

Letting go means falling in and thats never something anyone is prepared to do.

I know...

Nothing ever goes as planned.

That's why I've kept my feet on dry land.

And, I guess this is what the end looks like.

I can see it in your eyes, the way they have turned the same grey as the skies,

just before... it cries.

Do your tears mean goodbye?

Will you not come back tomorrow and hold my hand and try to hold my heart?

 I never told you but you carry it with you wherever you go!

I know...

I should have said it sooner.

I would have but I was a tree!

I was what I was, and I know its not a good thing to be.

So here I am trying- Here I am Dying- to know.

Just this one thing before you go-

What it is that you would have wrote,

should we have been one of those-

that carved a heart.