Thriving WITH Chaos

I have awoke early this morning with a feeling of dread. Not unlike the feeling I experienced as I went (no TRIED) to go to bed last night. After a long holiday break, it’s back to work for me today. It’s not like I hate my job, although I know there will be a lot of work waiting on me when I get back. Sure, I could have gotten some things done, but with many of my associates out and with so many businesses closed over the break as well, it would not have been very productive.

At least that is what I have told myself…

But I have awoke with a morsel of wisdom in my spirit, as many a sleepless night might impart.

As my mind played and replayed the harrowed script of the past few days and weeks. As it raced through the upcoming week. As I emptied the dishwasher and loaded it again. As I loved and doted on my pets, too numerous and too needy. As I noticed the pet hair strewn across a black area rug in the hall, thinking “Oh why oh why did my husband select a black background for this rug???” The morsel of wisdom that floated thru my spirit is a correction to a statement made about me by my sister over the holidays. A statement that I blogged about in one of my last 12 Days of Christmas posts, that I “thrived on chaos.”

I realize a sense of calm is needed for the upcoming year. That’s as close to a New Year’s resolution as I got this year.

C-A-L-M.

Even as we dismantled the house yesterday from its Christmas adornments, now which are mostly piled up in corners of the room. Even as my closets and drawers year for the benefit of organization. Even as I never found time over the last week and a half to get some personal items I needed. Even as I realize we might have gotten through our ”A” list of holiday entertaining, there’s still many folks we didn’t have time to see who we will want to visit with over the next few weeks and months. I am continually thrown off balance by “need”. Mostly by other’s need. The world is a big hurting and lonely place. If I cannot brighten the corner where I am, what good am I?

Really, I used to think I didn’t have a lot of “need“, and in my younger days, it did feel like I thrived like an octopus- with tentacles far-reaching into multiple projects and activities and service. Thriving on chaos, just as my sister said. But I realize now, these were all fine-tuned distractions, that it is an important distinction between thriving ON chaos from thriving WITH chaos. And that I just cannot keep up that pace anymore…

So, it is off to get ready for work, I go… I am posting this blog without my usual rereads and revisions, just as it stands. Maybe I will come back and correct it as the week goes on. As it is, it’s all I have time for today. I wish you all a safe week amd a happy, healthy beginning to the New Year!