Meno vs. Viagra

>As I’m searching through the “feminine” aisle at the grocery store, something I’ve been doing for the past 33 years or so (finally having gotten over my teen mortification), it struck me that something about this wasn’t right. 

Only this time, instead of purchasing maxi-pads and belts (you younger ones probably don’t even know what I mean!), I’m looking for menopausal remedies to make me feel human again due to the fact that all of my feminine parts were removed almost two years ago via a hysterectomy. And really, who even wants to talk about that?

However, the unfairness of having to do this at all just doesn’t seem right. I mean, how can anyone avoid seeing all these supposed “feel good” Viagra or Cialis television/magazine ads, shot in soft lighting with good looking, smiling older couples waiting peacefully in a claw foot tub overlooking a beautiful beach? Oh yeah, like THAT is real life. But if these ads are designed to help us remember the days when were in the throes of romance and forthcoming intimate attitudes, I can’t recall thinking about endless erections. I just wanted sex with the guy I loved and some cuddling afterward!

These ads geared toward men are FAKE and perpetuate the fact that men think we NEED these loooooong love-making sessions enabled only by a pill (not necessarily desire). I mean, how many of you gaze into your husband’s or lover’s eyes after seeing these ads and say, “Honey, we need to go visit your doctor tomorrow.” Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge. As if we all dream about a potentially four-hour episode of male chest thumping and penile probing while we have better things to do as they check their stop watches to see how well their new little blue pill really works. These ads tout instant and hard gratification (pun intended), frequently ignoring the fact that endless erections are not necessarily what makes a relationship work at this age – unless he’s on the prowl for a girl younger than his daughter!  And even then, that would get old without gobs of gifts and money thrown her way. Yet the ads keep up – pun not intended.

That being said, I do realize that erectile dysfunction is REAL, but it’s treated as an advertising joke vs. a necessity for couples desiring to remain close to each other – and this is the ONLY way they can.  I do feel badly for those men who really need it, because these advertising execs have totally turned their backs on them by portraying this magic pill as something more suited to the Incredible Hulk vs. a loving avenue for a man to remain close to his beloved.

So back to my new feminine needs and OUR ads. When’s the last time you saw blue skies or beaches and warnings about four-hour marathons, much less one hour of pleasure? Nope. I see pictures of tricked-out tampons or peppy conversations between women about cramps and bloating, with various random ominous sounds in the background and cartoons of bloated female stomachs. Yeah, that’s a big turn-on. Who the hell wants to hear about that? There are no soothing promises or even warnings, just placating claims that we might not be bitchy anymore.

And what about those ads geared toward the menopausal woman? Or how to address the “change?”  Like those ads for Remifen – the woman’s non-hormonal alternative treatment for menopause symptoms. Sorry, not comforting. They are just vaguely informative at best, telling us how we can “get back to ourselves.” I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I went anywhere!

Men can get an instant relief for their “older man” symptoms – a pill that is highly touted and also covered under insurance, or given out free with a good luck slap on the back and a chuckle by a male doctor. Women have menopausal symptoms that are frequently pooh-poohed or include treatments such as messy creams that MIGHT address things like  vaginal dryness and pain, moodiness or the lack of desire at all. That’s not funny, nor does it come up at dinner parties as something remotely humorous. Eww, nobody wants to talk about THAT. But these issues are real, despite the fact that they are not amusing to talk about. We also don’t get the same “fun” press either. Typically, women in peri or actual menopause get a bad rap. You know, we are just crazy, dried-up bitches. Maybe it’s because of all those lovely Viagra ads we’re forced to watch.