Look at me, Look at me .....

I just found out that my mom's co-workers are reading my blog ... I am both flattered and horrified.  I know it sounds strange but when I first started writing I really believed that I could stay hidden.  Write under a pen name, say whatever I wanted without self censorship.  (Yes, believe it or not I do self censor… can you imagine what doesn’t make this blog)

But then of course my ego got in the way.  I wanted to know if my writing was any good - so slowly I invited different people to read my blog.  BTW – Ms. Jen you were the first person.  I enjoyed the laughter I received and I loved the shock responses I would get over some of the things I wrote.  It was and continues to be a source of pleasure in my world.  However, like most things in life there are pros & cons to everything I do. 

The following is a list of things that would have never happened if I had kept my ego in check and remained – “Sleepless” to everyone.

If I had remained Sleepless …I would have never had the pleasure of:

Knowing just how secure my husband is… Seriously some of the things I write would make a lesser man run for the hills. Doesn’t even phase my sweetie – not even when his boy started reading and quoting my blog to him.  He thinks I am great writer, even if he is one of my favorite subjects.

Learning that my father literally believes my children are heaven sent- apparently even after being married for seven years – I do not have sex. 

Enduring my best friend questioning me about my sexual preference.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m still convinced that a woman will always understand a woman better than a man. But for the record I prefer men – something about the way they smell.  Maybe it was a set up conversation to see if there is any interest. …  if so… the answer is no..

Receiving a sex manual from my mom – she brought it at B& N while with my dad (apparently he turned beet red…). After reading my “affair” blog she decided to help me get some spice back. How crazy is my world – some people think I am oversexed and others think I am not getting enough – guess it is all perspective

Understanding that my co-workers think  I am “special”.  I guess it is meant as a compliment  because they are always asking when I will post something new.

Worrying about offending people.  Even though I try to withhold names, if  X% of your readers were at the same event – they all know who you are talking about, no matter how you repackage it.  As fun as it is to mess with people’s heads and believe me it is fun.  I never intend to hurt someone’s feelings.  

Defending myself against …. well myself.   There is nothing like having a blog you wrote when you were very hormonal, being used against you when you are thinking clearly. 

The long and the short is that there something to be said about writing a journal that the entire world can read.  The other day while I was at the park with my family I finally figured out why I would share my very personal thoughts online.  And why no matter how much angst it could cause – I don’t mind people knowing it’s me……

My  oldest one was swinging and every time she went higher she would scream mom look at me, nana look at me. It didn’t matter if it was me, my mom or her dad she just want us to look at her.   I then notice a little Spanish girl she just kept saying “mire, mire, mire” (basically look at me in Spanish).  Her mom would look at her and smile. It occurred to me that all of us have our own version “look at me, look at me…” writing this blog is mine.