Insecurity is a bitch ...

 I received my first piece of hate mail the other day. It was from my friend's spouse. She

may not hate me, but she really does not like me. A fact that became abundantly clear the other day. I sent a valentine picture of the girls addressed to both of them. I thought it was more respectful this way. I guess I was wrong. She sent it back with a note that said

I will never be phony with you. I do not like you. 

 I will admit - it was a gutsy move, one I wouldn't have made. The only wimpy part was that she signed it from her and my friend... that is not completely accurate.  However, all that being said, if I go missing please check with her first.  The address is in my database.

 

In typical female fashion - I shared this with everyone. It needed to be analyzed at least three different ways.

 

Why would someone take out the time to do this? Has she always hated me? Do you think I am really that special or is it all females? Is my friendship with this person even worth it?

 

Of course, I shared this with my husband. Does my friendship with this man make you feel insecure, threaten in anyway? After all this man was his competition in my past life.  I learned that this person will never be one of his boys, but overall he's a non issue. Just someone else that I am friends with. End of story, no drama there. To be honest I was hoping for more of a reaction.


Anyway, after careful analysis by a focus group of approximately six people (four women and two bored men). The verdict is - I should not feel special. I am a symptom, but not the cause.

The cause can be summed up in four words - Insecurity is a bitch..

So my question of the day - why are so many women , myself included, insecure. We may not all be insecure at the same level or about the same things, but it is there.

It can be as small as the need to have others confirm how pretty we look that evening or as large as that actress, Heidi Montag - who felt the need to have like 15 plastic surgeries (Am I the only one who thinks she was actually prettier in the before picture). It can manifest itself in the need to control everything and everyone in our lives. Or convince us that we are victims and have no control at all. It can be the scary feeling that you don't deserve the love you have. Or the constant need to be perfect to the world.

My major insecurity - a nagging desire to have everyone like me. Unrealistic - yes.  Does it stop me from trying- No. I am working on it, have been forever. We all have our insecurities. My girlfriend, who has a hourglass figure, is so insecure about her body that she only makes love in the dark. Even though her hubby loves every curve of her.  My cousin who has more than one advance degree - still questions how smart she is....

So I ask again... What makes us insecure? Men, our parents, society.... ourselves.

I don't have an answer and that scares me because I am raising two girls. My goal, my job, as their mother is to raise strong, secure, confident women. So far I have been trying to lead by example and reassuring words. And I think I am doing okay.

Case in point - the other day a little boy came up to my child. For some reason he said she look like or either was a booger. Before I could even open my mouth - to say we don't call each other names. She gave him this ..."what the hell are you talking about" look and replied.


My eyes are beautiful, my hair is pretty. I am beautiful and smart. She then smiled and walked away. It was such a non issue to her that she did not even bring it up again.

This is also the same child that when someone says she is pretty, she replies "and smart" or vice versa. She has been told this so often that it is now part of her identity. I may be creating the world's most conceited child or the most confident. Hopefully, the latter because even conceit is a form of insecurity.

My point is ...if we start off confident - what changes some of us. Why do we forget that we are strong, confident women who only need to look inward to know how smart, beautiful and fabulous we are?

 

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” - Oscar Wilde

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