The Perfect Storm

It took me nearly an hour and a half to come to this morning. I was in a dead sleep. I heard Joel get up for work and thought to myself, "today I should get a head start." While my mind was saying one thing my body was saying another, "rest." I'm a fighter. If you know me, you would know that I'm not lacking in thoughts or love. When the two fronts meet it can be the perfect storm. I like what musician KS Rhoads says, "I work for love, but it's a broken hearted living." I whole heartedly agree.

In the last few weeks our community has been battling for the love of one another. When you live in such close proximity to people issues within you & the other are inevitably exposed. John Eldrege says that it's like porcupines living in a congested area, you never really know who will get poked. And it's true. Living in community is hard. It's a lot of hard, nitty-gritty work where I can't avoid seeing your life and how it affects me and the community. The same goes for me.

We had a house meeting last night. These are common practices where we attempt to gently expose the elephant in the room to keep us honest and disarm any resentment that might be building. Without even realizing it, I shared my brokenhearted story with the entire room. Today I woke up with the morning after regret. I said to myself, "Did I say to much? Do they know too much? Can I trust them with my story?" This is what we do. We throw ourselves out there with the hope that if I expose, you will and the mutual vulnerability will bring a wholeness to the empty parts of understanding one another. I realized how even my past needs grace now.

In regards to the conversation during our house meeting my roommate asked, "Does grace extend that far?" and without hesitation I said, "Yes, yes of course it does. I'm not trying to hold you to anything. I'm just trying to love you well." In evangelical words, I'm just one beggar showing another beggar where to get bread. So this is it. This is living in community. And regardless of how much it costs me, I'm in.

I work for Love, and Love works for me.