The Pencil Test

My cousin (you know who you are) was visiting one summer in high school and said to me, "Did you know,  if you can hold a pencil under your boobs than they are going to sag when you're old."  I grabbed a hairbrush and it stayed just fine, I had proven my point.  She continued to say, "Well, I want just enough boob, not enough to clog a toilet!" Point taken. I would gladly pass the pencil test.  

My girls have been the topic of a lot of conversations.  In fact, they have a persona all their own.  I have said to men at times, "They don't talk back." Or if I have accidentally been boob brushed the perpetrator (male or female) will say, "Oh, gee, sorry!"  I respond with, "For what?" not realizing a common violation.  You might as well brush my elbow.  By the way, this is not an invitation.  

If I had health insurance I would gladly donate the blessings to some poor girl who never passed the pencil test. Would that be a tax write off? Donating your blessings? It could be part of the economic stimulus package. Or, the new health plan?  I'm waiting.

In fact, everyone is waiting for something.  Perhaps it's a new job, a new relationship, a call from God, a boob job.  Carolyn Myss Ph.D. says in her book, Anatomy of the Spirit that "we all struggle in a seemingly never-ending cycle of disappointment in which we attempt to control our lives.  We search endlessly for the one grand choice that will put everything in our lives into permanent order, halting the motion of change."  

My blessings feel like a curse and I often find myself believing that without the girls to carry around, my life would be so much better! And subconsciously I put my life on hold until I'm smaller (all around) believing that then, and only then will that change put my life in permanent order.  

At this point you might be surprised by two things.  The first being that I speak so frankly about my boobs.  The second being my attempt to relate boobs to the need for control my life.  Bottom line, something as small (or big) as my boobs begin to take more meaning in my life than they should.  Honestly, I feel like we all have speed bumps we have made into mountains adding unnecessary travel time to our journey.