A little blue, with some orange in it.

Hey everyone. Is it the weather? I don't know, it's not that bad up here (Montreal) for once actually. Seems we gave the US East coasters all that we collected as far as snow credits goes...

I'm not sure what's affecting me. I feel blue. Then I feel guilty for feeling blue. I mean, what right do I have to feel down, me the little stay at home mommy of 2 wonderful kids, living in a very nice area, near a big park, surrounded by a lot of love from friends and family? Seriously, what's wrong with me?

Is it just that I'm spoiled?

Maybe some of you can relate to a sense of worthlessness when staying at home taking care of babies? The word worthless is about close to how I feel these days.
I know, when I'm not angry, I have the blues. I feel a lot of followers coming *insert sarcastic grine here*...

My kids are amazing, don't get me wrong. But I am a little sick of cleaning up after them 2 AND their father! I'm sick of doing 2 loads of laundry per day on average. I'm sick of the highlight of me day being when my daughter sleeps longer than half an hour. And I'm sick that the low of my day is when I can't get a stain out of her onesies!

Who am I in this? Am I just the Mommy of...? Or just the wife of...?

I feel a little cheated in the story. And I can only blame myself, because I knew this was going to happen before making these kids. I knew I would have to stay at home and take care of them, since finding a place in daycare is hard.
It's a vicious cycle, you want to be with your kids as much as possible, but you also need to have a life of your own.
Yet this seems to be a problem only for us stay at home parent, more often woman!

How are we supposed to balance everything, and why is it we have to ask ourselves that question? Most men don't even have to. AND they complain about working!

Ok, ok, I'm done ranting, I have no solution, I have no theories of how it should work out to be more equal between the sexes. All I know is that I feel like a piece of nothing these days, even when I know I'm a great mom, but this is not my core identity!

There, I said it!