The end of my procreating life

Skirt! has turned out to be the place where nobody knows me personally. I love blogging. But in a way, I can't say all that I want to say on my own blog. 

So this is why you find me whining here more often than you wish. 

This week, ahh this week. Well, this is it. My life as a procreating human is over. Well, that is if everything stays in this path. I'm well aware of complications, but so far so good.

We're done having children. No, I did not start taking the pill again, got pregnant on it, miscarried. No, we're not using condoms, got pregnant when one broke, miscarried. No, I'm not installing anything, friends got pregnant with it, I would too, and would probably miscarry again.

Yes, there you go, you got it, he got the v-word surgery. And I say "the v-word" because it seems to be a tender issue with men. We can all talk about being on the pill, having merinos installed, or yelling out loud that our only contraception method is abstinence. We can even talk about our labor, how long it was, how painful it was, how dilated we were, how fast or slow the baby came out, how painful it can be to breastfeed, how vomit and poop become part of your life once you have kids, but they have an issue with a minor 10 minute surgery that doesn't even hurt. Whatever. 

He still is the one who offered, and we decided together that after a boy and a girl, we're done. And that feels good.

BUT, yes there is a but. It does feel weird to think that I will never be pregnant again. That I will never breastfeed again, that I will never again hold my own newborn in my arms, or have that first magical meeting look again. EVER. It's primal I guess, it just feels weird. 

Yet I'm so relieved. I can't, for the life of Vishnu, conceive of dealing with another miscarriage, or another painful pregnancy, or just being that heavy again, having to go through labor again (mind you, my last one was 27 hours, no drugs... AT ALL!). I can't conceive of going through breastfeeding again, to me it was painful and not so enjoyable (again, to me!). I'm so relieved, so so so so relieved not to have to deal with another colicky or refluxy, or whatever elsy baby! Ahhhh

Tomorrow I'm going to celebrate with my girls.  *insert cocktail here*