332
viewsDivorce, the Devil and a Dying Idea
By Scotton, Tuesday, June 28, 2011, 2 commentsI've been thinking a lot lately about marriage, and commitment. Perhaps it is because of the number of broken relationships I see around me. Friends who are stuck in loveless marriages, friends who are on the verge of separation, friends who have found out their spouses have been having long standing affairs. A once solid, and eternal idea is now becoming temporary.
And this makes me wonder, why? If people lie, and cheat, and break hearts what is the purpose of entering into something permanent like a marriage? Why enter into a relationship with someone, and willing stay in the relationship with them if it's not where you want to be? Married or not. I see it in my friends who are just dating. The same idea, I can't leave... I can't move on... it was good once it can be good again.
I understand the importance of stability. I hear a lot, "I can't leave because of the kids," but don't you think that watching your parents indulge in affairs, and fight, and harbor resentment and disdain for each other is equally detrimental to their development as growing up in a broken home.
I was thrilled when my parents divorced, not because I didn't want them together but because for the first time in years my parents were happy. My mother met and entered into a relationship with the man who she still calls the love of her life, 4 years after his death.
I guess my point is I don't understand why it's so hard to just be happy? If a relationship isn't working... then it's not working. As cliched as it may be, it's called a break up because it's broken. It's a cheesy self-help book, but the title is accurate.
And I realize I might get some backlash for this. Marriage is a sanctity. Marriage is suppose to be forever. Divorce is the Devil. Yeah, it is. I would completely agree with that. But too many people enter into relationships, and marriages lightly. To many times people get married for the wrong reasons (trust me, I could write a book on the subject). Why stay in it if it's broken. Life is too short to be anything less than happy.
So be happy. It really is just.that.simple.
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2 Comments
I agree that there are way
I agree that there are way too many people in relationships that they would be better off without. If I were queen of the world, I wouldn't even allow marriages as legally-binding, state-recognized contracts. I would only allow loving partnerships that last as long as both parties want them to last. Once it breaks (like you said), both parties should move on.
But I'm not queen of the world...yet.
Marriages in our society are very difficult buggers. One can get married for very little money (if one so chooses). I'm in my second marriage, and both were uber cheap. However, when I got divorced from my first husband, it was very expensive to retain a lawyer and get it done - even without children and agreement on terms! And the thing that sucked most about the divorce for me was losing the partner I had for 8 years. Even though the relationship was broken beyond repair, we had maintained a friendship. Once we were divorced, I couldn't turn to my partner with 8 years-worth of "remember when..." stories and memories.
I remarried because my spouse is in the military and that's about the only way to make a long-term relationship work in the military. Several months ago, we nearly divorced. The relationship was broken. My spouse went outside the marriage for intrigue (though I believe he never physically cheated on me).
I had many tough choices to make. But I didn't get to make the one choice I would have loved to make: having an irreproachably faithful spouse. That's what I would have chosen! Long story short, we chose to stay in the relationship and work on it. One of my biggest motivations for staying was to keep all the good memories alive. Losing that aspect of my first marriage was very much like experiencing death. Another motivation for me was that starting new relationships requires starting from scratch - learning all the good and the bad of another person and trying to see if somehow we can make our lives coalesce.
This is a very long reply and may end up as a blog some day. Just wanted to give you another perspective - not to be contentious (not at all). Just to encourage you to really support those around you if/when they do end a relationship. No matter how bad the relationship has become and no matter how much the person knows it's the best thing, ending relationships SUCKS!
I agree
I completely agree with you. I know how difficult it is to let something go, no matter how broken it is. My husband and I were together for three years, but only married 6 months when we separated and even now it's hard for me.
I just hate seeing the people I love in so much pain. And wish that they wouldn't allow these relationships to hold them back.
But thank you for the response. I really appreciated it.
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