193
viewsLove, Loss, and Lighting the Christmas Star
By sarahknight, Friday, December 23, 2011, 5 commentsMy dog, Bear, died three weeks ago. I adopted him from the animal shelter when he was three months old. That was 12 years ago.
Bear and I walked together nearly every day for the past 12 years. We walked through the early days of my marriage, we walked during my pregnancies and after the births of my daughters, we walked with strollers, with little hands holding onto the leash, and with bigger hands holding onto the leash.
We walked through years together.
Now he is gone. And he is added to the growing list of people and animals that I have lost and that I miss.
My dad died a little over a year ago and very unexpectedly. Because neither of us had any idea what was to happen just days later, one of the last conversations we had was about Bear. My dad, like me, loved dogs. I had just found out that Bear had cancer. The vet said he only had a month or so to live.
I immediately called my dad. He listened and his voice changed. Usually he was very sweet with me and reassuring. But his voice was stronger and less gentle and he told me that things were different now. I was a mother and I had a responsibility to my children to be strong. He said I was going to suffer a huge loss, but I had to be strong for them and protect my children through it all.
And then the phone rang a couple of days later and my brother told me that Dad had died.
I tried to remember my dad’s words and I tried to stay strong. I reassured my children when I wasn’t feeling very reassured.
And from those shaky early weeks, a year somehow passed. And, despite the vet’s words, Bear stayed with me. Each night, we continued our walks, but we added a new routine. At the end of every walk, we would sit on the sidewalk in front of our house and look up at the stars together. Looking at the stars, I felt the most connected with my dad. But I was not sad during these times, just peaceful and hopeful. Bear would rest his head in my lap.
Right after Thanksgiving, Bear suddenly went downhill, quickly and horribly. And, despite the fact that I should have been very prepared, I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that Bear was suddenly gone.
But I remembered my dad’s words and, again, stayed strong. My children cried and I held them and reassured them. And even though I was sad, or maybe because I was so sad, I went out the very next day and bought a Christmas tree. I covered it in lights and the children helped me hang the ornaments.
Then, I climbed to the top of the ladder with our giant Christmas star. It’s the kind that lights up when you plug it in. I put the star on top of the tree. Then I climbed down and turned it on. The whole tree lit up and I was once again looking up at a star.
Resposted from my website, www.mamasagainstdrama.com.
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5 Comments
so touching!
Oh how I love dogs, and how I miss family members too! Thank you for sharing this with us; your wise Father, stars and all. Just Beautiful! I am so sorry for your losses!
Sarah- I am so sorry for your
Sarah- I am so sorry for your loss- your dad and Bear... That your dad gave you that advice is so touching. And I guess he was right. I am glad you had Bear longer than you thought, and that you can remember him this Christmas by looking up at the star , and your dad too- I suppose- as well as all those that love you that are no longer "here". Thank you for sharing...
Bear ~
Dear Dear Sarah ~~ Thank you so much for sharing about Bear, about your Dad, about you. My heart so full and touched ~ teary and tender ~ and connecting to our Gracie who will always be a STAR in our family's life too.
I love that you had so many years with your boy ~~ loving both ways, caring both ways, life together. I love that you have that in you and that Bear's love will always be in and with you.
I am thankful that your Dad's important message reached you and that you've made positive and courageous use of it.
I send you a sister-hug of compassion, an eye-to-eye knowing strength, an appreciation for your presence and your words. Blessings to you in every way.
And to Bear & Gracie ~ thank you for all you gave and that your LOVE will continue to give to all of us two-legged ones.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Loss at Christmas
How we love our sweet doggies. Even humans can't surpass them at unconditional love. We buried our first child Chelsea a few years ago, with my three human children in attendance at her funeral. Still have a stocking with her name on it and ornaments of black Labs. I miss her. So sorry for your loss. It's okay to grieve with your children though -- they'll learn how to grieve healthily through your example.
A Hug To You
Sarah - I haven't been on here much this year - but I think I first read your blog about your Dad and now, dear Bear. Be strong for your family, but allow yourself to grieve. My old girl Foxy - the dog that I got with my late husband fifteen years ago, left me this summer.Her passing was the final door closing on my old life. I have five dogs, no kids, they kept me going. We do love those dogs with a special love, because they have a way of taking care of us. I think Bear stayed longer to help you with your life without your Dad. He sounds like he was a wise man. And Bear, what a wonderful dog. Take care of yourself as you take care of your family. And having lost my great girl Foxy, I find my other dogs fill me with awe and love now. You can't replace those you love, but there are dogs that need a chance at a loving life. Perhaps you will find a dog that needs you to share the stars with again. Hugs and love to you. This post brought tears for your loss and your courage. Barbara
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