Girls and the Fear of "Fat"

Thanksgiving, we were driving down the highway when my seven-year-old daughter suddenly asked me, “Am I chubby?!?”

My heart froze.

We had just passed a giant billboard outside of Atlanta that pictured an overweight girl with the words “Chubby Is Not Cute” next to her face. There are billboards like this all over Georgia as part of the “Stop Child Obesity” campaign. The ads are run by Strong For Life. They have some good points and an important mission. However, I’m not crazy about their billboards.

But this is not about the billboards. You can read about that controversy many other places. And this is not about my daughter’s weight. She is skinny as a rail. But that has nothing to do with it.

This is all about the problem of girls and the fear of “fat.”

When I was my daughter’s age, everyone was worried about girls developing eating disorders. I was in fourth grade when the most popular girl in our class was hospitalized for severe anorexia. In the cafeteria, we would all eat our lunches while she would nibble on one piece of Melba toast. She was pretty and thin, but by the time she left and was hospitalized, she was ashen and skeletal. She was nine years old.

I never developed a true eating disorder, but I lived in fear of getting “fat.” As a teenager I was 5’9” and 110 pounds and watched the scale like a hawk. I had a secret rule that I wasn’t allowed to go over 112 pounds. I remember the day I looked at the scale and it said 113. I felt terrible about myself. I immediately cut back on my eating. Of course, I was freakishly thin. When I see pictures from that time, I look terrible -- all bony arms and legs. But I felt “fat.”

This went on for years. I gradually increased my secret weight limit to more normal levels, but the feeling never changed. I constantly berated myself for being “fat” when I was never fat. And, even if I had been fat, that wasn’t even the point. I constantly bashed myself for breaking diet rules or not exercising enough instead of setting positive health goals and taking care of myself.

That is not what I want for my girls. I have gone out of my way to keep the concept of worrying about weight far from their minds. I never, ever say I need to lose weight, diet, or that I look “fat” in an outfit. I talk about eating healthy foods and exercising. I bring the girls grocery shopping and we talk about what’s healthy to eat and what’s good for your body.

I’ve explained that all people have different body types and that a lot of how people look is just genetics. Genetics are out of our control. We can only control the choices we make. I want them to understand that being healthy is more important, better, and CUTER than being thin.

It’s a strange thing to be in the middle of an obesity epidemic and have the whole country forget that girls are still very susceptible to eating disorders. And messages like “Chubby Is Not Cute” are only going to add to the problem.

I believe that worrying about being too fat or too thin is all the same thing. It’s putting the focus on the appearance of the body instead of the health and strength of the body. I want my girls to be healthy and strong – whatever the scale may say.

I understand the billboards are trying to help children and save lives. I just wish they said “Being Healthy and Strong Is Cute.”

Because it is.

Reposted from my website www.mamasagainstdrama.com