Conspiracy Theory

I have spotted that rare bird:  plain Ruffles in a vending machine.

The hardest part of forming a conspiracy theory, as it turns out, it identifying motive.  But I am certain there is something behind Ruffles hoarding, and I intend to get to the bottom of it.

It’s a 2-part question, really – neither of which is listed on the Frito-Lay page as one of the “most common questions.” 

1 – why aren’t plain original Ruffles ever in the vending machine?

2 – why aren’t they included in the lunch-box package?

After those 2, the questions involve Masonry, the Opus Dei, and other general rantings from my tin hat. 

But here’s what I want you to know, Frito-Lay:  I am much more likely to buy a big bag of 12 individually bagged Ruffles than I am the $3.99 family size back.  But you won’t make it.  whyyyyyy? 

  “With a lot of people, it’s Ruffles or nothing.”  I am not one of "those" people.  But I do prefer it to other chips, and leaps-and-bounds over heinous Ruffles flavors like Molten Buffalo Wing, or Salt & Vinegar, or that weird Canadian flavor “All-Dressed.” 

I haven’t tried any of those, but I come from a time when we invented dip specifically because our food had no flava. Vending machine stockers (not stalkers – that’s me, apparently) prefer the Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles in the rack.  This is just Kraft Dinner powder sprinkled over the original. 

The variety pack will sometimes have (1) Ruffles bag just to give you something to make a teachable sibling rivalry moment out of.  And you will never find a full bag of only Ruffles 1 oz’rs. 

EXCEPT.. it seems… at Sam’s. aHA!  How could I have left the Walton family out of my list of conspirators?!? 

Two more searches later, and I can report that you can also score the box of 50 through Amazon, and (oddly) Sears.  Not Walmart.  They seem to be specializing in the other flavors. 

See them all in one view here.  It’s mind boggling.

I also enjoyed knowing that Ruffles have an outstanding No Taboos rating, which really ought to be a thing.