Would You Date a Sex Offender?

There was a thought-provoking question asked on the radio yesterday morning. A guy was talking to another guy at the bar about what they look for in women. Man 1 realized he has a friend who would be great for Man 2. Man 2 gave Man 1 his business card and wrote his cell phone number on the back. Before giving it to Man 1, Man 2 said if your friend is the kind to Google someone, tell her she is going to find out that I am a registered sex offender. My case set a precedent when it happened 12 years ago.

Now, let that sink in. I know it's why you opened the blog to begin with.

What are your questions?

What are your reactions?

I know the typical first reaction is horror. Of course I wouldn’t go out with a registered sex offender! They’re horrible people. Dirty. Perverted. Dregs of society. It was the same argument I made at a get together when someone told me the story of their friend. He didn’t start out being a sex offender. He was 18, a senior in high school. He dated a 17 year old junior. Well, officially they were 17 and 16, respectively, when they started dating. After being together over a year which is what in high school years? 5 years? (not to mention reputations) he broke up with her, breaking her heart. Seeing their daughter so upset, her parents went to the police where they filed statutory rape charges. They didn’t like having to put their daughter on the pill and now that she disliked the boy as much as they did, the three worked together to hurt him.

And that stays with a person.

Many people called into the radio station with the same argument. It seemed like maybe with some questions and clarification, perhaps the deed could be put into a perspective that would make it easier to live with. But then another radio host posed this scenario…

Everything works out hunky dory. The friend becomes Mrs. Man 2. They move into a nice suburban home. He registers with the local police and is forever labeled “that guy”.

I have to admit, I know the red dots on my local map. I know where the 2 registered offenders who live within a mile of me live and my children have seen pictures of them, just in case. They aren’t 17-year-old-dating-gone-wrong sex offenders. They’re the horrible, dirty perverted dregs of society type offenders who it makes my skin crawl that they live near us. I know the 6 dots within a mile of where our friends used to live. I know the dots near my mom and in laws houses. I’m a fan of tracking registered sex offenders. But, I look to see what their conviction was. A lot of people don’t do that. They just see sex offender and write a person off.

And that was what the deejay was concerned about.

How happily ever after is it going to be when you’re “that guy” and your kids are the kids of “that guy”? No one will want to carpool with you. There will be whispers when your kids are on a soccer team. It’s way more than just a bad relationship coming back to haunt you.

I was okay up until the happily ever after scenario. I hate that it’s what people would do, but I live in the real world and I know that’s how it is. What about you? Would you date a registered sex offender? What if it got more serious? Could you make a long term commitment knowing that you’re taking on their past?

Enjoy.

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