Friends or Associates?

Last night I was reading Oprah magazine.  I felt like she was talking to me.  It was about toxic friends.  We all have them...and we keep them, but why?  We have deal breakers when it comes to dating guys.  Some women won't date a guy who smokes or has kids.  So why don't we have deal breakers when it comes to our friends.  We say we do, but we don't always stick to our choices.  I give the benefit of the doubt and second and third chances.  Once I continue to ask, should I be friends with her or not, that's a problem.  A friendship is supposed to be a two way street.  I have learned that I can no longer expect those friends to be as dependable, loyal and honest as me.  I have accepted them for who they are - flaws and all.  No one is perfect including me.  I just do not go out of my way for certain ones who were not there continuously when I really needed them. 

The article was talking about Spring cleaning and I do it all the time.  At one time, I cut them all off because their incidents were within the same weeks.  And it's not over small stuff like a little argument or disagreement.  It is big stuff like lying about a major event life.  I forgave them after people have told me that I cut people off too often.  My mistake was that I had high standards for my friends and they keep letting me down.  I was expecting them to be there for me without a doubt in my mind no matter what.  I realized that people have a priority list of friends.  There are some friends that wouldn't think twice about missing a birthday or any kind of celebration of theirs.  Then there are friends who you may or may not go to their events because in your eyes you are not that close maybe because you only hang out at night but don't talk on phone much.  I told myself that obviously I am not on the top of their lists of friends like I thought.  We have different beliefs and I had to accept that and I can't change that fact. 

This year I am going to stick to my word.  I have demoted them to associates.  Each one is for different things such as just to go to eat or just to hang out at night.  I don't set myself up to do things with them that I can't believe they will actually do like going on a trip without cancelling at last minute.  I don't expect anything more or less than the behavior that they have continued to show me over the years.  "When people show you who they are, believe them" - Maya Angelou.  If a person brings more stress and frustration than happiness, you need to delete them out of your system (of life)!  Don't keep 'friends' around just to say you have them.  It is better to have one true friend than 5 fake ones!