Skirt! Team Challenge: Extreme Self-Care “What do you need to be taught, to Give or to Receive?”

While in the car with my cousin and my mom last weekend, I lead the conversation towards talking about doing things for others to see where it would lead with those who knew nothing about the book. We started talking about why some people do nice things for others and how some people don’t.  The talk continued about givers and takers etc.

The conversation started out with me talking about my daughter and the last 2 boyfriends she has had.  These young men were 20 years of age and both used the excuse that they had never been in a relationship before and therefore weren’t very good at it and didn’t know what to do and how to act.  This apparently was used frequently.  It could be in reference to not making plans in advance, cancelling plans already made, not calling, not coming on time, making up after a spiff blah, blah, blah.

 I told my cousin that I wished Callie would find a nice boyfriend that truly cared about her.  Like the way her son Josh, cares for his girlfriend.  They both do really nice things for one another.  He has given her flowers, bought her a beautiful ocean painting, cards, nice dinners and jewelry.   She even had a belt buckle custom made for him once.  He is 20 and she is 19.  I might need to add that they both have jobs!!!

 My daughter has yet to be “courted” in that fashion.  She has sampled it on brief occasions but has yet to experience a relationship of that kind.  She gave one of these boys a lovely wrist watch for his birthday that she purchased at Nordstrom’s.  He told her “in advance” that he was getting her a Lakers jersey for her birthday and then didn’t.  Her birthday came and went and she never mentioned what he gave her, so I assumed nothing and chose not to ask her about it.

 My mom sided with the young men, by saying perhaps they did not grow up with the proper example of how to treat someone you like.  She added that maybe their parents did not have that type of relationship.

 We talked about a man bring a spring bouquet, just because or in attempt to right a wrong.  My cousin chimed in with, “Even a single flower is also so meaningful”  My mom reminisced that her husband Bob had always be partial to giving her flowers while he was alive and that even her boyfriend Al gave her flowers quite often.

And then the conversation slipped into high gear when my cousin made this simple observation about these two young men and their excuses.

 She said something like this…If you like someone; you naturally want to do things for them and spend time with them.  You see something that you know they will like and you wanna buy it for them.  You have some place you want to go and you want them to come with you, that s normal. You don’t need to be “taught” what to do when you like someone; it just comes naturally without any effort.

 You don’t need to be “taught” what to do when you like someone; it just comes naturally without any effort.

 Yep, that is it in a nut shell folks…

 That statement alone confirms why I am a giver and like to do things for others.  The question becomes “Am I liking myself as much as I like others”, do I give equally to myself when needed?  There was a time I would have answered “no” to that question.  But today, though I do a lot for others, which always brings me pleasure, I also do things for myself too.

 I don’t experience difficulty when someone does something nice for me.  I am touched and always feel grateful and noticed.  Where I do have difficulty is with those who seem to have blinders on, those who seem to not know what to do.  I find it very hard to ask for things that I think people should know are needed.

 Heaven’s To Mergatroid…does that mean they may not like “ME”????

If I have to teach them what should come naturally???

 My cousin claims this comes naturally, that you don’t need to be taught. 

 No one teaches me what to do for them; I just figure it out on my own and do it.  Oh, ya because I like them, so I don’t need to be taught!!! LOL  If I am not sure what they need, I ask.  Not ask vaguely, in a way that I hope they don’t need me to do something but more specifically so they know I am willing to be helpful  as in, would you like me to pick that up on my way home, let me carry some of those heavy bags for you etc.

 Perhaps there should be a school for this…the free introductory class could be called:

 ”Learn how to do what comes naturally to those around you who make your life easier on a daily basis”

 I Love, backseat conversations, lessons already learned and the ability to do what comes naturally…