Skirt! Team Challenge: EXTREME Self-Care “Is it better to Give than Receive?"

Chapter One…Talks about "Over Giving"

What exactly is Over Giving?  Let’s break it down.

Over means more than Give means to offer; make a gift of; to hand over as a present, to bend, move from force under pressure

One of my favorite phrases for something I see, do or experience that has impact on me is “that was over the top”.  When I say “that was over the top”, what I mean is that it met or exceeded my expectation, and I loved it!

 Perhaps over giving is a new example of “over the top” that I need to consider.  Over the top, meaning “too much”.  Maybe when I over give “it takes me over the top”.

 Quite often I feel overworked, overwhelmed and overdo for some help.

My gear gets stuck in overdrive, because I have overindulged others instead of myself. Next time I feel any of these “over” words maybe I need to overlook the needs of others and give a little something to myself.

Though this is only the first chapter and I have not read the others yet, I am already speculating this is one I should give attention to.

I am going to consider that at times, my over giving “takes me over the top” and tires me.  It clearly does not leave me enough time for giving to myself and meeting my own needs.  Sometimes I feel like a wild dog looking for a bone as I rush around doing everything that needs to be done to keep a household and my life running, and I am F A R from being a neat nic. 

 Sunday I had the pleasure of experiencing being Given to.  This is a rare occasion for me.

 My boyfriend and I have wanted to take my daughter for lunch at a place called Mendocino in Marina Del Rey.  We pick up these yummie “over the top” (there it is again) sandwiches and then drive over to his sail boat and enjoy a relaxing al fresco lunch.  Well Sunday she finally agreed to come along, but pointed out she was still not ready to take a sailboat ride.  I told her that was ok, we would just go and have a nice lunch and then come back home.  I told my boyfriend that Callie wanted to come along and he was happy too.  We all agreed to leave the house at noon as my daughter needed to be back by 3:30 to have a spiff with her boyfriend.  Don’t ya just love a planned spiff…YIKES

 Anyways, in an attempt to put Chapter one to use, I chose to color my hair prior to going out to lunch, to make sure I had my own need (singular) out of the way.  If I did not do it on Sunday I would have to do it Monday or Tuesday in the morning before going to work.  That choice was less desirable to me, so I said to myself, Carol do it today and it will make your life so much easier.  The reason I needed to get this done is because I am flying to Vegas on Wednesday morning to see Celine with my Goddaughter.  I want to look my best while sitting in the dark concert hall, listening to her “over the top” voice serenade me.  No grays or roots showing for me, no sir-E. Before rinsing out my Preference by Loreal, my boyfriend said “We will have to take separate cars, because I brought “The Bullet” home today.  The Bullet is his Pontiac Solstice 2 seater .  I have a Mazda Miata 2 seater.  My Daughter drives a Mini Cooper. His other car is a Toyota Camry, which was parked down at the Marina, where we were headed.  My heart sunk, sunk because I thought he meant Callie would have to drive her own car and we would ride in the bullet.  I impulsively and with a bit of an attitude said “Oh, she is never gonna go for that”.  Meaning she will not go at all if she has to drive alone in her own car.  Then he said, “The two of you can ride in your car and take the top down and enjoy the sunshine, I’ll ride by myself.”  I rapidly processed that suggestion and realized I never considered Callie and I would ride together in my car.  I waved my hand back in forth in the air while saying disregard my reaction, I was not thinking.  He continued to say a few more sentences though I don’t think I really heard what he said, and I repeated, just disregard what I said.  Perhaps the hair dye was getting to my brain.  I felt so stupid for saying what I had said to him.

 I rinsed out my hair and when I came out he was gone.  I looked out the window and his car was gone too.  I considered that he was driving down to the Marina, which is 14 miles away to switch the cars so he had the Camry and we could all drive together.  I grabbed my phone and started texting

Me: Where did you go?

Him: Back by noon

Me: Where are you?

Him: Driving

Me: I hope your not headed to the Marina

Him: Switching cars

Me: Please come back…I do not want you to do that

Me: When you said drive separate, I thought you meant she would have to drive her car…then I realized you meant her and I would drive together, that’s why I said disregard my reaction.

Me: Trading cars is not necessary.

Me: Please come back

 Then my phone rang, he said “I am already at the Marina, I’ll be back by 12”.  I asked him to just stay at the Marina and Callie and I would drive there to meet him, that there was no reason for him to drive all the way back to the house so we could ride together that was High-maintenance and not necessary.  I was sorry I did not understand in the moment, that I loved him and we would be there soon.  I was not sure if he heard me say I love you, the line was a bit broken up while we talked, so I texted..

 Me: I Love you Mr. Legs

Him: This was my thinking…I could sit on couch or switch cars…practical decision not heroic

Me: Well you may call it practical…I was VERY touched…and I love you for being PRACTICAL…xx/oo

What happened to me next, was unpredicted.  I was overcome with emotion.  I started to cry when I considered that he was willing to drive 14 miles there and 14 miles back to pick up the other car so we could ride together.  Sometimes things just line up perfectly for you to really learn something about yourself. 

 After reading this first chapter I had been doing a lot of thinking about giving in general.  Why do I give my time to others and the answer I came up with was, that I like to give to others and it is easy for me.  When I am giving I do not look at it as a duty or obligation, when I give, it’s because I want to.  Perhaps I also consider it PRACTICAL.  There are times when it does interfere with my own agenda, those are the times I will need to look at and be more selective in saying yes.  I will need to be clearer about what I can do and have time to do.  I do need to put myself first more often.  I do not have to always stop everything to accommodate the needs of others.  What I need to do is stop and think first. There are things I do for others that they can actually do for themselves.  I should not get into a habit of doing those types of things on a regular basis, to avoid turning it into my responsibility.

 But more than that, I need to be brave enough to ask to be given to.  I need to be open and allow others to give to me.  That is what my boyfriend was doing; he even called it a PRACTICAL decision.  Practical sounded like “simple and easy”.  I had so many thoughts going through my freshly dyed head of hair that I could hardly process them. 

 As I continued to get ready, I dropped the curling iron, could not find my glasses or cell phone, rummaged through my purse looking for my paycheck to no avail, thought that it must be lost and gone forever.  Finally found my glasses by the cat litter box, have no idea why I would take them off while doing that.  I called my cell phone from the house phone-no audible ring could be heard.  I asked my daughter to call from her cell, still nothing.  Then I went up and down the staircase numerous times checking in all the same areas repeatedly and finally found it in the car.  Good grief! 

 Though I was discombobulated, I knew everything had happened perfectly.  Joining this challenge and having read the first chapter allowed me to notice this moment in my life with perfect clarity.

 This was a pivotal moment not just for me personally but for my relationship with my boyfriend.

 I had experienced an “Over The Top” moment.  I was truly in love with him.  Plain and simple, in Love. I knew this because he had entered my Heart without warning.  He listened, when I was not really making sense.  He acted when I had not even asked.  I was seen when I thought I was incognito.  He coined it a PRACTICAL decision, though the impact it had on me was far greater than he may understand. It was a moment, and I was in the juicy part of it filled with Love!

 It really is the little things that matter the most.

Was it just practical, or heroic?

 I love to give, discovering practical Love and Mike xx/oo