...is that football season is officially O-V-E-R. I realize I am probably offending 99.7% of the population when I write this, but I am going to say it anyway: I am not a football fan.

Maybe it's because I went to art school that I will never fully grasp the allure of the game. I don't understand the whole Greek culture and I will certainly never understand the appeal of college football.

It was two years ago now that I got roped into going to my first [and last] game at the University of Georgia. Oh the things I didn't know...these people get up there at 8 A.M. [p.s. the game doesn't start until 7 O'CLOCK THAT NIGHT.] This means we go from tailgate to tailgate to sorority house to fraternity house ALL DAY while people drink beer and bark like the Dawgs. And not only that, all of the girls wear dresses and HIGH HEALS. Silly me, I thought it would be like my high school football games where we showed up in jeans and flip flops.

Fortunately my friend told me that it is customary to dress up for this momentous day, so I wore a blue sundress.

Big mistake.

What she neglected to tell me was that the dress had to be RED and BLACK, so all day, girls were coming up to me saying, “It’s your first game, isn’t it?”

The game was even better. During halftime, the awesome human sitting next to me made a remark about the "gay" male cheerleaders. To this I responded, "Dude, that “gay” cheerleader is looking up the skirt of a really hot girl. Your “manly” quarterback is wearing tights and has his hand up the ass of the center. Do you really want to argue this?"

I have a bachelor’s degree in spotting a homosexual from the Savannah College of Art and Design, you see. My Friday nights were spent going on gallery hops, admiring fine artwork with my fabulous friends. The Academy Awards was our Superbowl. As far as we were concerned, football is merely running with a ball past a line. Formalwear, on the other hand…now that was dramatic.

I realize that I am in the minority here now that I live in Atlanta, and that I run the risk of offending all of you who went to SEC schools. I do not wish to do that at all, especially since I do not have any sorority sisters to back me up on this. I certainly don’t want to argue that football should be taken out of the curriculum, over, say art or music or anything. Now that would be the end of western civilization as we know it.

Instead I will just enjoy the empty grocery stores on game days and keep my opinions to myself until the red carpet is rolled out for the Oscars. And if ya’ll are interested in coming to my Superbowl party, the invitations go out next week. Just don’t show up wearing red and black...unless of course, it is your finest formalwear.