The In-Between Box

I don't even think there is a box for it. Is there an "other" option when choosing between "single" and "married?" It's never really bothered me, aside from the health insurance stuff until recently. But now I'm in that grey area of 4.5 years; a committed relationship that's lasted a lot longer than some people have been married, and the term, "girlfriend" no longer cuts it.

I'm 26, I turn 27 in five months, therefore EVERYONE I KNOW IS GETTING MARRIED. Which is cool. I'm happy for them. I'm not jealous. I'm in a long-term relationship, remember? The obnoxious part comes when I actually go to these weddings and meet people and I say, "Oh yes, I've heard a lot about you too. Yeah, I'm Jason's girlfriend." Girlfriend. It sounds so small, so elementary, so uncommitted. When I studied abroad in Italy, I remember one of the girls telling me that there wasn't exactly a word for girlfriend. If you were in a relationship, you were either engaged or married, otherwise you were fair game. But that isn't what we are. We know what we are. It's just the explaining part that gets tricky. So we explain.

Wedding Guest: "So how long have you two been together?

Us: "Almost five years."

WG: "Wow! Congrats!" Guest pulls Jason aside as if I'm deaf." So..." points at me and ring finger. "When's it gonna be?"

Us:"Ugh. Not sure. When we have the money?" Then it's us over-explaining. "But we're super happy now. It's like we're already married. We live together, we have two pets (insert 'they're our kids!' hardy-har har) and we have a joint account and stuff" Jason chimes in. "We call eachother mama and papa when we talk to the dog. You know, like 'Maddy, go see mommy!' That kind of thing."

Stranger feels uncomfortable and walks away.

Yet, worse than meeting guests is when one of you is in a wedding. Jason was in his brother's last weekend (it was gorgeous), and though I wasn't involved with planning the wedding or being in the wedding party, I still was very much a part of it because I was the girlfriend/partner/longterm-thingy. But since I wasn't a fiance or wife it was awkward when I was asked to be there for the wedding party pictures since I'm in between outsider and family; and when I was there in the groom's room when he was getting ready with the bachelors; and in the seating arrangements at the actual church.

We did the funeral thing for a family member recently too. Even more awkward. Where do you sit? What do you say? What is your identity?

Then there's the gyno's office. Married or single? If you mark single, you feel like a slutbag even though you aren't. And as your doctor talks to you about your mechanics and gets your history, you find yourself justifying just how committed you are. Or at least I do, again because "single" feels like a slap in the face.

So what gives? I don't like the term "partner," it sounds all businessey and sexually confusing. "Mate"sounds Discovery Channel-esque or Australian. "Other" might work, but it's too similar to "other half" or "significant other." Yuck. I like "my Jason" and "my Kelly" but it's kind of a mouthful. And I hate that I need a label stronger than "girlfriend," more emotive than "long-term relationship." But I want people to know we're legit. So when they shake our hands they know we're fit to last; and that we deserve a box we can check too. With a permanent marker.