208
viewsThe Day the Weather Got Biblical on My Ass
By outdoors80, Monday, September 26, 2011, 3 comments
We had a little weather fiasco today...storms, hail, lighting, tornadoes, flooding...I was waiting for locusts and 7 horsemen, but alas, it seems God may not be tired of us just yet.
My typically level-headed father, bless his heart, was freaking the fuck out. I think this sprung from the fact that he was at home in Florida watching DVDs of the show "24." It had him all jacked up into MacGuyver mode. He was alternately watching the show, monitoring the weather on his laptop, and speed-dialing me to make sure I was okay and give me updated information. I wanted to tell him if I needed an update, I could just turn my head to the left. It's right there outside my window.
I decided not to burst his adrenaline-laced bubble.
So he calls about a half-hour into tornado warning #94 to tell me I need to "get downstairs, pronto!" I live on the second (and top) floor of the most shoddily constructed apartment building you've ever seen. No, seriously. Two weeks ago one of the concrete steps crumbled beneath my feet as I went downstairs. I may not be as lean as I once was, but this is supposed to be CONCRETE. Naturally, my father wanted as much shoddy construction as humanly possible between me and the swirling, sucking, 150MPH vortex.
I decided to call my friendly apartment managers and inquire after our Disaster Plan. Every building in Texas has a designated "shelter," but I've been remiss in asking about ours. Do you know what our Assistant Manager, Jeannie, said when I called? She told me to get to know my downstairs neighbor. THAT'S your plan, lady? Make new friends?? That's a Girl Scout motto, not a PLAN! You only get to call it a "Plan" if it requires at least 5 minutes of dedicated thought.
Lord. It's gonna be a long Spring in tornado alley.
Not surprisingly, my phone call with Jeannie was interrupted by another directive from my very alert father. "Get upstairs! You need to get upstairs now! I've been watching the satellite and it's the flooding that'll be your biggest problem! Flooding is what kills the most people." I let him know that, while I appreciate the stats, I am a fine swimmer. It's the flying I'm not so good at. I think I'll take my chances down low.
Did I mention I miss home? I can handle a little rockin' and rollin'. It's being sucked up by a giant Hoover and deposited somewhere east of the Mississippi I can't hack.
Bookmark/Search this post with:
3 Comments
Fixin' ta Storm ~~~
Has all the crazy weather passed??? I lived in Texas 20+ years...but then, you wouldn't have any internet ~~ we'll give it five minutes.
YOUR POST WAS SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS!!
But wait... you mentioned a long Spring... we've just entered Fall. Heck, it doesn't matter -- it's TEXAS!! As they used to say, "it's fixin' ta storm"... guess they're still sayin' that. Enjoy!! And please...keep writing! (I'm safely tucked in California where there's no pre-warning, pre-fearing, pre-predicting...)
I laughed and laughed!
Your dad sounds so cute and funny. I'm going to share your story because it was sooooooooooooo funny!!!!! And I'm glad you are okay too.
I should have noted - I'm
I should have noted - I'm safely tucked in CA now too (although how safe LA is, I can't guarantee). I just opened some files from when I was in TX a little while back and thought it was worth sharing. Glad it gave you both a laugh!
Participate More