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Krrobi

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Pajama Party Confessions

Kim Sisto Robinson

We had a girl’s slumber party recently, and I laughed so hard I peed my pants.I’m dead serious.“Excuuuse me,” I said to my girlfriends.“Does anybody have a spare pair of underpants I could borrow, cause I just peed my pants.”

So, we’re drinking bottles of Merlot, Cabernet, devouring blue chips and salsa, and we begin talking about one another’s most embarrassing moments.“Mine happened at the University of Minnesota,” Gloria said, giggling.“I was late in the morning for my first class, so I picked any old underwear from my dresser.I didn’t realize until I started walking to campus that they were too big. Honest, I don’t know how the hell they got into my drawer; cause they were like granny undies.Anyhow, the halls were jam packed and I’m late, so I’m running down the tiles like a nut case, because the professor is anal and she’d call me on it in front of the entire class of 250 students. I felt the silk sliding down my legs, but I can’t stop to pull them up, so I let them slide all the way down, stepping right out of them.No shit, I walked right over those friggen bloomers on my way to Intro to Communications.Didn’t even turn around to see where they landed.I was that cool.”

This is where the peeing started.We laughed so hard, salsa was spraying out of our mouths, the wine was spilling, the house was thundering with squeals and snorts.

“My story is more embarrassing than funny,” Leta chimed in. “I was at a shower for a cousin of a cousin. I didn’t know many of the people there, so I was sort of scanning the room for new people to talk with.One of my aunts came up to me and introduced me to one of her co-workers.I stood up to shake her hand, and we talked about nothing substantial, lots of uncomfortable pauses, you know what I mean?My aunt walked away to help serve the potato salad and such and left me with this girl, who had the personality of a rock. Not knowing what to say next, I commented on how lovely her heart necklace was. To this day, I don’t know why I did it, but I lifted the necklace between my fingers very gently, and I’m telling her how stunning it is.

“It’s from my grandma she said.It has been in the family for generations.”Impulsively and without thought I opened the heart necklace and dust flies in air as if Tinkerbelle had suddenly flown in. The girl screamed a blood curling scream, and I jumped about six feet up, and the entire room of women turned to see what the commotion was.“That-that was my g-g-grandma!” The girl was scrambling to pick up the dust (her grandma) and I was on my hands and knees, too.I mean, what the hell else could I do?”

Silence. Laughter. Uncorked another bottle of Merlot. More pee.

Janelle’s most embarrassing moment happened at church.Since her husband, Todd, is the Pastor, she makes certain she speaks to everybody after the service, especially new members.So she’s at the door shaking hands and exchanging niceties when a larger set woman walks up to introduce herself.Janelle being Janelle purrs, “Oh my, when are you due?”While she is asking the woman this, her hand is resting on the woman’s tummy. We do this sometimes.Anyhow, the woman, not looking a bit happy, tells her she’s not pregnant, and Janelle not knowing what to do, or whether to cry or laugh, or where to bury her head, continues to keep her hand on the woman’s tummy. 

We talked about embarrassing stories until 4:00 in the morning, and I don’t think I’ve ever hooted so hard and long in my entire life.My uterus actually hurt. We didn’t even get to watch our chick flicks, Notes on a Scandal & Failure to Launch.But one thing’s for damn sure—next time we have a pajama party, I’m bringing extra underwear, or at least, an extra large maxi pad!