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Krrobi

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Prayer, Sex, Palates

Kim Ssto Robinson

I have a theory about maintaining a happy marriage. One must pray in the morning, have wild sex (preferably at the crack of dawn), and create an exercise plan for early afternoon. I’ve told my husband this from the very beginning of our marriage. “You know honey, if we prayed every morning before we went to work, had sex, and then went to the gym, our life could be almost perfect” He thought about it and sweetly responded, “I’d need to get up at 4:00 in the morning.”

 All right, it sounded excellent in theory. I love the idea of praying with my husband about our kids, goals, dreams, life, and I thought if we did this in the morning before all hell broke loose at home, we wouldn’t need to think of it later. Makes sense, beginning our day with God, rather than assuming everything would run smoothly. And I admit, I can’t do it all on my own. Jesse Ventura says this defines a ‘weak minded person.’ I say it’s a person who desires a stress free world, a damn clever person, actually. And Jesse can kiss my butt.

About the sex; I want crazy and wild sex every morning. I’m talking chandelier swinging, fatal attraction on-the-sink-kind-of-sex. In my dreams., perhap. As if  this is going to happen with kids running around the house, their friends running around the house, cats sleeping on the bed, and well, you know what I’m taking about, upheaval. Anyhow, when one is experiencing this kind of sex, how can she be bitter or mad or sad or cranky? No. She is too busy thinking about the sex she’s just had, the naughty girl she’s just been, how much she loves observing her husband in his leopard boxers. Ohhhh, baby.

Now for the exercise plan; after the prayers and the sex, we could hit the gym together; lift some dumb bells, take a step class, or even palates. I asked my husband, Dave, “Can you imagine how much fun we’d have taking a palates class together?” He had no words to express his joy about this splendid idea. “We could really bond, and at the same time, get our bodies nice and firm for one another; we could practice at home; You could even pretend to be my teacher.”  His ears perked up.

The theory is unbelievably outstanding, but impractical in practice: Prayer. Sex. Exercise. It all makes complete sense to me. Prayer for foundation. Sex for rejuvenation. And exercise for stimulation.

In the end, we compromised. This is how our mornings unfolded. We awakened at 6:00 AM. Because God at least deserved that. Our prayer was a simple Thank You. That’s all. Sex was more like wham bam thank you maam, and the chandelier stood still and silent like Sunday Mass. As of yet, we’ve not joined a gym together, but it’s all in our plans for the future— We devour what we can when we can,. We eat the moments whole.  At this time in our lives, it seems to be enough. Amen.