blogger profile

Margaret Pilarski

editorial assistant

i'm a feminist, and if you're reading this then you are too, you just might not know it yet. i like to eat cheese and travel, but i'm usually broke and/or spending my money on shoes and cocktail rings. i love dogs, rain, and driving offensively (and putting the last comma in a listed series). i'm se...

READ MORE

dog=marriage.

i’ve lived with the boyfriend for two years now and so lots of our neighbors just assume we’re married. i think this has also been exacerbated by the fact that we have acquired a dog, we are now a sort of family unit. (do you think that family unit is yet recognized by sociology books distributed in colleges?)

most mornings i walk the dog by myself, then the three of us walk together at night, and the neighbors all come out to say hello.

when i’m not there, the guy next door (who doesn’t live there, just hangs out there) is always telling matt, “your wife jogged the dog this morning, when you gonna jog the dog? you never jog the dog” and follows up with me the next morning telling me whether or not my “husband” took our dog for a long walk.

the guy a few doors down regularly comes down to the sidewalk to pet rooney and then asks how my  “husband” is, when matt’s not walking with us.

and sabrina warned me that once you get in the habit of baby-talking to your dog like a lunatic, you will also begin to refer to the other person as mommy or daddy... as in: “how was your walk rooney? did mommy let you chase the squirrels?” or “rooney, go ask daddy if he will play with you, i am reading.” and in fact, various people in petsmart, in the park, at the dog park, wherever, like to refer to me as his mommy. “you’re such a good dog, i bet you protect your mommy!”

happily, i have not begun the mommy/daddy conversation conventions to the dog or encourage my mommy-ness by strangers. you know why? because he’s a dog. i did not bear him from my loins. i bought him from a dachshund rescue. he does not even speak english, he cannot hear you.

but all the neighbor talk is weird. i don’t really have the time or patience to explain that we are not married, but yes, you’re right, we live together. and boyfriend is such a stupid word. he’s not some boy i go to movies with and talk to on the phone at night, hoping he like-likes me. so what do i say? nothing. does that matter? should i? what would i say? i have no idea.

“oh, him? that’s not my husband! ha!” that would be flippant. he issomeone i care about and share a life and a dog with, but we have not and are not planning on participating in that ceremony of sorts.

ps – and to my mom: calling him your granddog is not helpful. you are not a dog, he is not a person.