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Super Secret Agent Spy

I am a writer. First and foremost, I am a writer. I have my MFA/BFA in Writing the CK School of Authors Program. Right? He he he. After struggling for weeks to come up with something funny and witty, all I can say is that I'm a 34 year old, happliy married, unmedicated bi-polar II, living in Char...

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Financial Frivolity

So, I just missed out on a $1,200 tax refund check from El Presidente because I am a financial idiot. My husband could not hide his utter disapointment. He had that money ear-marked to fund a Christmas escape to Costa Rica.

Oh well. That’ll teach him to plan something based on my financial solvency.

Somehow, my barely middle-class level ass screwed up her taxes so badly in the early 2000's, that I owe the State of South Carolina THOUSANDS of dollars. Oh, and they want to levy my wages, too. I received notice of that today. 

Fabulous.

So, let’s add in the fact that I'm also overdrawn on my personal checking account (The "F-you" money account, not the household account) by. . .oh,  a mere $200.00. Although, technically, that's paid up, of course, because I have overdraft protection by way of my savings account. . .which is now cleaned out. I stare at the screen with both balances reading $0.00.

What a mess I am.

A girlfriend has suggested that I E-Bay my shoes.

Another has suggested that I E-Bay a few significant, but otherwise unwearable pieces of my wardrobe.

But I can't bring myself to do it. The money I used to purchase those things is already spent. If I were to sell them to shore up the dam now, I'd never be able to replace them.

I know they are just *things*. . .and unimportant things at that. But to me, they are memories. They are trophies of little triumphs. They're more to me than little pieces of material, stitching and glue to me. They are mine. It sounds shallow and silly. . .and I don’t care. They reside in my closet and that’s where they will stay.

While I am steadfastly attached to my belongings, the alarms are going off. I am not financially responsible. I am too old to behave this way. For heaven’s sake, I just missed out on money that I could've had IN MY POCKET by NOT paying attention to money.

This is how I manage my money:

I get paid.

I pay some bills.

I spend until the card gets declined.

I do not "balance" a checkbook.

I do not own "Quicken."

Come to think of it, I do not "own" anything. The car that I've had for two years (and have never been late with a payment, thank-you-very-much) is still technically owned by Chrysler Financial Services.  My home?  My husband had it before he had me, and while a majority of my income goes to pay the mortgage, my name is not on any kind of paperwork that reflects my interest in the house. The best I have is a shitty “holographic will” (written in a panic before flying out to Costa Rica) stating that, in his untimely demise, I get the house and the kids get to split a property that he owns out in the country. Ummm. . .o.k.

I do not know exactly how much money my husband makes.

I do not know what percentage of his income goes towards the bills.

I do not know how much I should put aside for taxes, automobile maintenance, vet bills, doctor bills, lawn maintenance.

I do not know how much money I've lost in regards to overdraft charges in the last three years. If I were to ever find out, I'm sure I would be disgusted.

So, what do I do? I am 34 years old and I have no idea how to manage my money. All I know is that the way I am currently operating is dangerous and, let's be honest, STUPID.

Obviously, I have to tackle this tax issue immediately. I've been on the phone already with two different people trying to hammer something out. I think I'll have it worked out by tomorrow. I want to get it paid and to do it as quickly as I can.

Secondly, I'm sitting down with the husband tonight to discuss our current lackidasical attitude towards finances. I want to be more involved. I want some say, some control, over what comes in and what goes out.

Thirdly, I'm cancelling every frivilous monthly payment item I have on my plate right now. Good-bye Sirius Satellite Radio! Good-bye Chic-Fil-A daily Diet Coke! Good-bye going nutzo at auctions and buying antique dinnerware that I do not need. Frivolity is something I cannot afford for the next few months.

Next, I plan on tackling the creation of an "Oh Shit!" fund (OSF). I've always heard that it's a good idea to have three months worth of expenses locked up in case something happens. O.K. Fine. I don't care if me and the fam are eating pb&J for the next three months, we will have this OSF knocked out in a matter of months. OSF goes into . . . what? An interest bearing account?

Once the OSF is created, I'll move onto a "real" savings account, I suppose.

(sigh)

And then, I suppose the Husband and I should get Wills or Trusts created in case something happens to one of us, right?

Ugh. . .I am so overwhelmed right now. I apologize if this blog isn't as entertaining as those in previous days. However, I'm sitting here wondering if any of my blogging sisters out there are in / have been in a similar predicament.

If so, how did any of you manage to make yourselves financially responsible, solvent and happy?

I make WAY too much money to be this "poor." So, I don't know much, but I DO know that all of this has very little to do with the actual amount of money I make. It HAS to be more than that. . .it has to be the way I'm (not) managing it.

I'd be interested in hearing how some of you deal with your finances - have you always been responsible? How did you get that way? Were you ever as screwed up as I am? How did you rectify it?

xoxo