Set Yourself Free: Some thoughts on Forgiveness

Maura Alia Badji

Teacher / Writer

I'm a writer and an Early Childhood Special Education Teacher, and mama to wonderful 5 year old Ibrahim. I'm originally from NY state, have lived in Seattle, the SF Bay area, and somehow landed in the 7 Cities. In other lives I've freelanced for The Buffalo News, worked for amazon.com, tutored mi...

Maura Alia Badji

Thursday, July, 3, 2008

The end of a relationship several months ago has caused me to give some serious thought to the issue of forgiveness. Let me state from the get-go that I am no saint draped in pearly piety; my aim was selfish---I wanted peace of mind, pronto. I had replayed the heinous crimes of my ex on a continuous loop so many times that my mind had become my very own Theater of the Damned. It was time to walk out on that particular sideshow. So, I started mulling over the possibility of forgiving him, if only to release myself.

When we forgive, we are not saying that what happened was acceptable. Nor are we giving permission for the act(s) to be repeated. Forgiveness is essential for growth and freedom of spirit, yet it is one of the most difficult things to do.   As long as we do not forgive, we keep ourselves psychically and emotionally bound up, forever chained to the unforgiven in a toxic parody of a relationship.

When we can find the strength in ourselves to forgive, we bless not only ourselves, but the one who trespassed against us.   This person may not want or think they need such a blessing, yet they too will be freed at some level.

It takes courage to forgive: courage to look at what really happened, courage to acknowledge our part in it to whatever degree, courage to let go of the comfortable cloak of anger and self-righteousness in which we may have taken some comfort.

Forgiving may not necessarily mean forgetting, but it must include moving on emotionally. If not, we are forever tied to the past in a negative way. In some cases, though not all, the relationship may be salvaged or reborn through reconciliation. If this is not possible, at least both parties will benefit from a cleansing of spirit.

I decided to forgive him. But am I forgetting? Hell no! I plan on mining his ridiculous antics for comedic value in future posts. And yes, I do now have peace of mind.