blog entry

RABBIT PARTS

What the Hail?! So there was so much wind and storm garbage outside our house last night, that I totally expected to find dead rabbit parts and tires hanging from my trees this morning. Seriously. Let me set this up for you. I had enjoyed two glasses of wine, and was comfortably passing out on my fluffy couch watching “Top Chef”, because they cook on that show, and I like to see what all that business SHOULD look like. It was the best of times. So, you can imagine my horror when hell came knocking via some big ass thunderclouds and lightening! I am, admittedly, a chicken shit when it comes to storms. I have no control over them, and they have all control over me. This makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I mean, seriously, what do you do when the sky comes at you with ice bullets and flying cows at speeds of 3,000 mph!? Hide in a COAT CLOSET?!?! It holds coats. COATS. They don’t really “do” basements in this part of North Carolina, which is a topic for another time, so if you live here, you are left to sit, glassy-eyed, staring at the meteorologist who is now wetting herself because the heifer finally got the call at 12a.m.... you know, the one telling her that it is “her turn” to tell us all in “living room land” that the end is near. I bet that station has a basement….. In proper form, I poured another glass of wine, listened as my husband sucked his nose cartilage up into his head (as he had fallen asleep long ago), and waited for Little Miss Sunshine to tell me it was time to grab my sleeping children, throw them like sacks of potatoes over my drunk ass shoulder, and hide in the coat closet. Thankfully that moment never arrived. When I came to, a.k.a., woke up, I was relieved to note all walls were standing, and there were no airplanes lodged in my ceiling. My husband and children woke up soon after. I found it almost amusing when my angelic three-year-old walked over to the window, peeked out to find the sunshine, then turned her sweet little head to me stating, “Mommy, it wained! It wained! That was weally quiet wain. Yeah for the flowwahs!” Took the words right outta my mouth, little bird. Yeah for the flowwahs!