I have a hard time letting loose. Cutting myself a break. Giving myself some slack. I've always been like this, I'll always be like this. I have to be productive-productive-productive or else I feel lazy. I'm constantly thinking about ways of being more efficient, despite the fact that spending time thinking about being more efficient can be the most inefficient way to spend one's time. Also, we can't just have fun. We have to have BIG FUN. I'm always thinking, How can I make this MORE FUN? Really, it's ridiculous.

I strive to be all zen and do zen things. I try to meditate. I try to take deep breaths. I try to enjoy the moment. But the reality, is that "the moment" for me is often boring. It seems the more I try to open myself more to serenity and calm, the more crazed I become.

The other morning, the girls were playing quietly on the living room floor. Despite the fact that they were enjoying themselves, I decided we needed to go to the pool for an even more  fun morning. Thus began the insanity that is getting three small children ready for the pool: changing into suits, applying sunscreen, packing floaties and goggles, changing into swim diapers, locating flip-flops, packing snacks, and charging the cell phone. When we finally got to the pool, the real calamity began -- I spent the entire time chasing after my 16-month old who had made a sport out of scaling the backs of the lounge chairs, while glancing backward at my 7-year old and 5-year old who were dunking each other underwater.

After a couple of hours, and many ignored pleas of "Come out NOW so we can eat!" -- I finally manged to get the kids over to a table by the concession stand. A small breeze then carried away the napkins on our table, sprinkling them into the pool. The big girls broke out into raucous laughter, while the baby wriggled out of her stroller straps to stand up, nearly toppling the carriage over backwards.

Seconds later, my cell phone rang. It was my husband, wondering what we were up to.

I tried to sound calm. Casual. Zen. "Oh, you know," I said breathlessly. "It's just another relaxing day at the pool."