My better half is on his way home after a 5-day business trip and it might as well have been five weeks.

Since he’s been gone we’ve hit multiple levels in the “Are you kidding me?”  Department.  My youngest had a wooden plank accidentally hit him in the face (causing his mouth to blow up both inside and out like a pufferfish – so naturally we’ve all spent the last few days cackling out various degrees of “Yo, Adrian!”).  Not a big deal:  my children instinctively know to become injured as soon as James’ plane hits 12,000 feet.  Seems to happen a lot.

But my oldest – weeks shy of 16 -- snuck out of the house – on the very first night James was gone.  Okay, that’s not very accurate:  he actually didn’t sneak out, he just basically, well, walked out – right after I’d gone to bed.

All I can say is, Thank Freakin’ Poop I did not have an ounce of alcohol in me when it happened.  (Can you imagine?  Please….that’s all I need: kids targeting Mom on the night she’s loopy on Pinot….) Shudder….

Anyway, when the story unfolded in the days that followed (news flash:  these details never, ever come out in one full swoop) it wasn’t as horrific as I’d first thought.  Simply put, he got a call that a friend was in trouble and Shazam!  SuperBoy went to the rescue.  Threw all consequence and discretion out the window and walked a few miles to help some girl (nameless, because “Mom, you judge”  -- ya think?) who was evidently puking her way past everyone else’s curfews.  The nerve, right?

He’s taking his punishment in stride and we’ve actually had some pretty deep conversations about lots of things lately so it’s been (weirdly) kinda cool.  (Although I could’ve lived without the “Mom, who were you just talking to on the phone because I just heard you call me stupid” exchange….)  Oops.

I explained that I didn’t really think he was stupid in the biblical sense but I feared that his goodness would be an easy target at times.  And that worries me.  A lot.  The truth is, I was doing far worse at his age (Nat?  Kristi? Schnidt?  Kathy Price?  Don’t you dare smirk -- I’d bring you down right along with me….) so really -- I’m far less worried about his infraction than his aptitude.

He asked, “Mom, did you actually think I was never going to sneak out of the house?”

(Sigh…..No, but I was hoping you didn’t get caught….)

-- Tina Drakakis