How is This Her Fault?

CNN is covering the Jon and Kate divorce.  I hate that they are, I wish they would stick to hard news like Iran and what rodent was killed inhumanely in the White House this morning.  The headline that caught my attention about the couple reads “What Happened Between Jon, Kate?”  Well, let’s see. 8 kids. A reality TV show.  10 years of marriage.


One site I was reading pre-announcement/post filing Monday had a section for comments.  One person said that Jon needs to go back home and Kate needs to be kind to him.  Now, I’ve only seen the show a few times and in those few times, I thought she was pretty damn hardcore.  I don’t want to say I saw this coming, but when I saw the girlfriend pictures on the cover of some tabloid, I wasn’t surprised. And, that is not to say that I think everyone who has a domineering spouse deserves to have a little sugar on the side either.  However….


A few years ago when my marriage had, let’s say, lost that lovin’ feelin’, I did the first thing I thought of- searched Google for putting passion back into marriage.  The results were overwhelmingly aimed at women.  I know the religious right argues that the man is the head of the household, wives need to be submissive to their husbands, and two heads on anything makes a monster.  For the rest of us who want to do our part to better our union, the message is that it’s up to the woman to do the job.  I feel bad for the religious right wives who will be waiting until their husband chooses to dominate something other than the children speaking when spoken to and having a hot meal on the table when he comes home; while that is lovely, not all of us get off on making meatloaf and running to soccer practice alone.  Even if their husbands wanted to do something outside of missionary position with the lights off, they might not realize that they can replace the him and husband with her and wife.  The eHow.com guide to marital bliss is definitely her-centric. My favorite is Praise your man. A man needs praise just as much as a women if not more. However, they need it in a different way. Compliment his ability to fix things, his brain power to sort out a problem. Pour it on at a steady pace but not at an unbelievable rate. You may notice that this will make it easier for him to return the favor. Right, because questioning what it is I do all day just makes me want to grab the warming lube and pleasure him for hours.  Trust me, underwear do not make the trek from in front of the shower to the dirty clothes to the washer to the dryer to the clean laundry basket nicely set on top of the properly folded khakis without a bit of help.  I don’t think it’s asking too much to have them put away.


See, so then I start to sound a bit bitchy myself.  The first episode of Jon and Kate plus 8 will feature Kate and I doing body shots in some Atlanta hole-in-the-wall on one of her non-custodial weekends. 


The truth is, therein lies a balance.  I am much easier to get going when I don’t have a kitchen full of dishes waiting to be unloaded with the dirty ones piled high with yet-to-be-refrigerated leftovers to think about.  Flick my nipples all you want, when all I can think of is “can the dog reach that plate full of chicken bones?”, Brendan Frasier could be doing the job and it wouldn’t have much effect. (Then again, Brendan can pay someone to unload and reload the dishwasher after putting the leftovers away.  Maybe money can buy happiness!)  I might make my hubby happier to lighten up on my “jamming your cock into the back of my thigh is not foreplay” stance. I might even throw in some tender words like “ohhhh, that’s a big package you have for me”.  Guys always love that shit. 


What I ultimately learned is what many of the articles I’ve found since have said…in the midst of life, you have to take time to make your marriage, your partner a priority.  Give a little, get a little. Maybe what Kate and Jon need is a lot and maybe they just aren’t willing or able to do it.  Who’s to say?  Whatever happens, I hope they find the relationships that will fulfill them.  A big part of that is realistic expectations on both sides.  Hear that Mr. CK?


Enjoy!