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Jane Porter
A novelist and a single mom, I live in Bellevue Washington, write for two publishers and love being a mom to my two boys. I'm passionate about books, travel, and what impacts women's lives. For more info on me and my books, visit www.janeporter.com ...
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Big Day Tuesday

Jane Porter

Tuesday, May, 6, 2008

Tomorrow, Tuesday, is a big day.  It’s book launch day, the day my newest novel officially hits the shelves.  The day I celebrate months of work and a year of waiting for my readers response. 

I’ve written four books for my 5 Spot publisher now, and 26 for my London publisher and each book released from 5 Spot just makes me more nervous. 

The publisher isn’t putting pressure on me.  I’m putting pressure on me.  And the truth is, I put too much pressure on me.  I make it virtually impossible to internalize the success I do enjoy because (forgive me for being so blunt when you hardly know me) it’s not enough.

It’s supposed to be more.

But more what?  More how?  Who do I think I am? 

I’ll tell you who I am:  I’m a classic good girl, high achiever, Type A perfectionist.  No wonder my newest novel is titled Mrs. Perfect.  I’ve tortured myself much of my life when my quest to be almost great, if not downright brilliant.   I’m sure psycholgists would have a field day with my ego and my need to excel.  I’m sure there are dozens of unattractive clinical terms for people like me who drive themself hard and then fail to enjoy the fruits of their labor.  The problem is, once I hit this hill, I see the next mountain.  Once I’ve climbed the next mountain, I see the Himalayas ahead.  It doesn’t end.

I’d like it to end though.

Not the writing, not the creativity or the books.  But the bar.  The bar I raise higher and higher so that I never feel like it’s good enough.  Like I’m good enough.

Does anyone else feel this way?  Has anyone else learned to box up their expectations, to sort through the demands and say--resonable, here, unreasonable, there--because I’d like to enjoy just once, this once, the debut of a new novel.  I’d like to--tomorrow--just savor success. 

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MissAttitude
MissAttitude
From one Type A perfectionist to another
Posted Tue, 05/06/2008 - 10:02
You definitely need to enjoy your achievement. There aren't many people on this planet who can say they've done the same thing. Some of us only dream of writing novels and getting them published! I will confess I have the same problem though. I've always set the bar higher than anyone else has set it for me, from my parents to my bosses. And it seems I never really stopped to enjoy my successes. But take it from me when the setbacks come, you wish you'd spent more time "in the moment" appreciating what you accomplished. So congrats on the book and have fun! Stylishly yours, Miss Attitude
KellyLove
KellyLove
I could be responding to myself here...
Posted Tue, 05/06/2008 - 12:36
...because I know exactly where you're coming from! It is hard to celebrate successes when your own expectations are so high that it's almost inevitable that you're going to disappoint yourself. I remember doing exactly the same thing when my first book was published. All of my friends kept saying "aren't you thrilled??" and I said I was, but all I could think about is how I could have done it better, what if no one likes it, what if it gets bad reviews, etc. etc.

I am trying really hard myself to stop the negative self talk and live in the moment. When I got the first copy of my own book in the mail, I did have a happy moment. When I was at a book signing and two young women came just to tell me they got raises after reading my book, I had a happy moment. I just have to keep telling myself that I am the best "me" right now, right at this moment. And no one else is as hard on me as I am, so why can't I be a little kinder to myself? I'm trying.

And with that "non-advice," CONGRATS on your new book!
thatcoolbroad
thatcoolbroad
Enjoy being an artist
Posted Tue, 05/06/2008 - 13:24

First off, Congrats on your new book!

Your post sounded very familiar - I am constantly striving to make that next goal...but once it's been accomplished, I hardly savor the victory. It's always...what's next? Part of me thinks that that's what it means to be an artist...always wanting to create and never thinking you're good enough. And I'm not sure that if you figured out how to suppress that, you'd be the same creative person you are today.

So, I guess we just have to enjoy the ride! It's our ride and nobody else's, and we wouldn't be who we are today without having taken it!

xoxo tcb
www.thatcoolbroad.com
Danielle Marie Peck
Danielle Marie Peck
Jane, Jane, Jane! The first
Posted Fri, 05/09/2008 - 11:23
Jane, Jane, Jane! The first step to achieving the desire to be satisfied with yourself is to work on believing people when they tell you your work is wonderful. Your books are worth being published, they're worth being read, and you deserve to bask in the glow of your amazing accomplishments. You do. Not only that, but you're a genuinely kind and friendly person. I count myself blessed to call you friend and not because you're a successful writer, but because you're a nice person. Do yourself a favor and look at all those published books of yours and pat yourself on the back! :)
KariAndersen
KariAndersen
Too hard on yourself
Posted Fri, 05/09/2008 - 12:12
Hi Jane! I was at your Mrs. Perfect book launch and party and you were in your element! You had HUNDREDS of people who showed up for your signing at Barnes & Noble and dozens who stayed late to see you at your party at Ooba's. You shined that night! You keep getting better and better because it's what you want. Don't bite the hand that feeds you... which is YOU! Leave yourself alone and be YOU! It's OK to be driven. It's OK to be exactly who God made you to be. I learned that from some really good books that I've read in the last year... YOUR BOOKS!!!!!
nikki
nikki
I'm not sure that kind of
Posted Sun, 05/11/2008 - 14:59
I'm not sure that kind of hunger ever gets completely assuaged. I think I could win a MacArthur Genius Award and still want more, still feel self-conscious and undeserving when I walk into a room of accomplished people, still be the kid who never got praised enough or encouraged enough. But after all, it's also part of who I am and part of what drives me to create. Yes, I want praise, standing ovations, good reviews, demands for encore performances, people at my feet. And yes, I'm unworthy, not talented enough, and a complete sham. I think the friction between those two contradictory sides is part of what lights my creative fire. Or alternatively I'm just rationalizing being completely neurotic! ~nikki