It’s the Most “Wonderful” Time of the Year

 

I love Hallmark stores. My husband hates that I love Hallmark stores because I have a corner in our bonus room, affectionately known as the grotto, dedicated to scrapbooking endeavors including card making. He loves when I turn the small bits of plastic, a few tiny flowers, and some ribbon into a card for one of the kids’ friends birthday parties. That’s fine for people we don’t know well, but to go to a Hallmark store and wander aimlessly, picking up cards with a funny picture or some sentiment that draws your eye for true loved ones, well you could spend hours. The silly ones remind me of my college room mate, a “you’ve always been there” for me can easily draw a tear thinking about my sister, and even cards that aren’t applicable anymore like bridal shower sentiments flash me back to my younger, innocent days. (Shut up, yes I had innocent days!)

 

That, however, is not the case with my dad.

 

While I was at the store last night I saw the card section and decided to start the chore. There was a cute section of cards that had pictures from people around the US. There were a couple from Michigan, where my dad still lives. I thought they were blank inside, so I picked up one. It was quite funny with a 7 year old-ish boy knuckle deep in his nose. Unfortunately inside it said something like I couldn’t have picked a better dad if I’d done it myself. Funny, I could have picked a better dad if the job had been mine.

 

My eye was drawn to a card with a picture taken by someone in my dad’s own city. The pic was a dad and young child with a superhero costume on walking away from the camera. Inside- Not all superheroes wear a cape. Superhero? My dad? The in-depth conversation I had with my husband yesterday trying to more adequately categorize my father since the majority of sperm donors, my previous classification for my father, don’t pay to support the mother of the children or provide health insurance, did not include superhero. I think we settled on benefactor.

 

My search will have to continue today. I can always find a card with a bland enough sentiment, but Hallmark really needs to dedicate more man hours to this section. I love Someecards, but the veil between lack of emotion and making light of it is thin. As my mother used to say when I was growing up, for all else he is, he’s still my father so I won’t lift the veil. (These days mom is more than happy to point out his faults, even the ones that aren’t as glaring or applicable to my sister or me.)

 

The sad part of my chore is seeing the cards lauding those superhero dads who truly deserve it. To my daddy who walked beside me from my first step to my steps down the aisle. Thank you Dad for being someone I could look up to, count on; the man who showed me what unconditional love really is.   These are the dads that I have threatened my husband that he will be. I don’t care how much you might come to dislike me, don’t you dare fuck with the tender bond that can exist between a father and a daughter. My sister and I have long discussions about the price we’ve paid in our relationships for not having that bond. Today and again in October when it’s time to choose his birthday card, token gestures to appease him, the lack of his participation in my life is underscored by these cards.

 

For all else he is and has been, he did contribute 23 chromosomes to me and for that I will endure the emotional scavenger hunt to find a card that adequately sidesteps the underlying land mine his lack of parenting has planted.

 

Enjoy!