Dirty Laundry

I recently had to Block somebody from my Facebook account.

Silly as it might seem to many, it was a truly difficult decision to do so. It was tougher than the original decision to end my participation in the friendship, even, because crossing paths on the occasional Facebook page is really the final connection between us. Though when the paths did cross, it was generally her making some type of negative comment or veiled statement sending the message that she is all that is pure and good, and I am evil and people should be warned.

I don’t need it explained to me that she makes these statements out of her own insecurity, and there are many reasons why she needs to prove the depth of her friendships with these people, but many of our mutual friends still feel the need to reach out to me to let me know that they don’t hate me, too. I know that. I don’t make it my practice to put people in the middle of a very old argument that should have been laid to rest long ago. And I have asked her to stop. Nicely and not nicely, directly and indirectly, I have asked her to stop, but on and on she goes.

And the truth is, I don’t live there anymore and never will again. My moving on has taken place in every sense of the word, from the forgiveness in my heart to the actual location of my life. So, no apologies are necessary, from her or from anyone else on her behalf. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest that she and I call many of the same people ‘friend.’ I once considered her the same, and really? I don’t consider her ‘evil’ for the way she hurt and disappointed me. People mess up and make mistakes. Even great people are not 100% good 100% of the time. It’s okay with me that she says she’s blameless in our falling out, because I can’t expect her to be as willing to be honest about it as I am. I am only responsible for myself, and for learning the lessons God puts before me.

Anyway, a few friends recommended The Block after watching her comments pop up after mine here and there, and they got more and more mean spirited. And it did affect me. It made me uncomfortable because I’m not really a person who is used to being disliked. I’ve argued with people, but I have also made up. Thanks to my husband and two beautiful children, I have learned how to work things out, and to say I’m Sorry and I Forgive You. So, blocking the last remaining contact possible between me and somebody out in the world with whom I have unresolved conflict is like leaving wet clothes in the washing machine when you’re leaving for the weekend. When you return, it is going to be a big, moldy, smelly mess.  

It also bothered me because one of the witnesses to the situation used the term ‘stalking.’ I laughed at it at first. I mean, seriously, not only are we hundreds of miles apart, even if we weren’t, there is no way this woman could cause me any physical harm. Maybe if she plowed me down in her car or something, but apart fromt that she is no physical threat.

But really, stalking isn't just about doing bodily harm. It's insidious, even sinister. It’s not just about being hurt physically; it’s about getting into your head. And since I’m all about honesty, I have to admit, finding out about the comments and the name calling did affect me. Beyond frustration at having to relive the argument, and even embarrassment that innocent bystanders have to be pulled into this, it did hurt. She’s not giving me the same chance I’ve given her, to move past this and coexist peacefully. To disagree without being disagreeable. To not say anything if we can’t say something nice. I've gotten over it, and she's still trying to win.

So I asked myself what my advice would be if this were happening to one of my children, to my BFF, or to my mom? And in the end, I put on The Block. I just hope that if I am faced with old, moldy, dirty laundry one day, I can handle the smell.