I have been a blogger for q­uite­ some time. Starting out as a mommyblogger, just recording our family antics, I later blogged about my thoughts on the election, and eventually sort of found a niche blogging about various ­pop culture topics, like my blinding love for bad reality television.

Over the years I have revealed a lot about myself – the good, bad and ugly. I have touched on topics that involved others, but have always tried to be respectful and not use the blogosphere as my place to get in the last word.

My willingness to discuss my flaws (and my political opinions, which some would consider flaws) at length in an extremely public forum has made me many friends. Wonderful, inspiring, brilliant women, have commented, supported, laughed with, and lifted up in a way I really never imagined was possible from people I never met face to face.

A few have disagreed, mostly respectfully, and a few have criticized, mostly constructively. But my experience has been overwhelmingly positive.

Today, however, I am using my little corner of The Internets for a purpose I have always tried to avoid. Today I am going to Send A Message. This message will probably never be heard by the intended recipient, and my sending it may make others who love me very uncomfortable. But, this situation needs to be put to rest, so I’m giving it a shot.

Three years ago I had a friend. We had a falling out, the reasons for which I was partially responsible. I used words heavy with judgment, and while in my heart I might have believed in what I said, saying it was a huge mistake that cost me the friendship. I took responsibility for that and I have apologized for it.

I have not been forgiven.

Now, several years have passed, and more than 800 miles separate us, yet I am still reminded from time to time that I am the only one who has put it behind me. Because, aside from hearing it from several of our (many) mutual friends, thanks to the wonders of Facebook, I have learned that she is still very much affected by our falling out. Because we share a lot of friends, the process of commenting on the walls and status updates and notes of these people has revealed that, to her, I am somebody she needs to warn others about. I am somebody she hates. I am a fraud. I have apparently gone from being a “so-called friend” to an “evil friend.”

Really, what I am is a human being. I said something ugly and I told her I was sorry. I didn’t (nor will I ever) accept responsibility for the whole big ugly thing, because that would be a lie; much of what she blames on me I had nothing to do with. But, even if I apologized for that stuff too, it wouldn’t make us friends. I don’t want to be friends.

And I think we can all pretty much agree that neither does she.

But we have lots of the same friends who deserve better than to be caught in the crosshairs of an argument that is several years old. Whether we’re literally in the same place at the same time, or whether we’re just virtually there, it’s time for BOTH of us to hold our tongues and be polite.

So, here’s the message. And I mean it with all due respect. Are you ready Internet? Here goes.

Dear Ex Friend:

Get over it. ­