Secret Facebook Behaviors (SFBs)

I try to avoid any references to "Sex and the City" in my writing. Otherwise I hear, "Wow, you're a writer and you love shoes? That's so Carrie Bradshaw." It's just so trite. And actually, I'm much more like Miranda: conservative in my dress, career-focused, harsh. But I digress.

Recently I've been reminded of an episode of "Sex and the City" where the ladies confess their SSBs: secret single behaviors. I think about the SSBs every time I engage in my SFBs: secret Facebook behaviors.

Sometimes, when I'm on Facebook, I search for people from my past and then look at their list of friends. I like to see if they know anyone famous. This habit is severely hindered by the fact I don't read People magazine and I never watch E! I'm not very well versed in fame. But something about social networking has me acting like the paparazzi.

When I find someone I know on Facebook, I wonder why they haven't friended me. Is it a sign of weakness if I friend them first?  But eventually, I do make the first move. I send the friend request and then I wait, and wait and wait. Why don't they accept my request?  Do they hate me? Or have they just not logged on lately? Why haven't they logged on? Do they have an interesting, fulfilling life? Is their life more interesting and fulfilling than mine? No, it couldn’t be that. I'm just more organized, more together. That's why I can manage both my fabulous life and my Facebook account.

And then there are the "People You May Know."  They are just sitting there, looking at me every day. And sure I know them, but we’re not really friends. We're more like friends of friends. What should I do? I mean I am not some insecure wackjob who derives her self-worth from the number of friends she has. So I don’t want to pretend to be friends with friends-of-friends. But it seems so rude just to ignore them. If I saw them at a party I would say, "Hello, good to see you and how have you been?" Why doesn't Facebook have some kind of small talk equivalent? So my SFB is to quickly click past that page. It's the electronic version of crossing the street and pretending you don't see someone walking toward you.

Why am I confessing my secrets here? Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, you've got your own Facebook secrets. Come on. Fess up. What are you SFBs?