I’m folding clothes Saturday afternoon, and a stupid, senseless Lifetime Movie comes on.  Yes, they are all meaningless, ridiculous, unintelligent, trashy, and some chick is repeatedly getting the hell beat out of her, but for some reason, some unfathomable psychological reason, I can sit on a Saturday afternoon, fold laundry, make super,  vacuum, and watch one idiotic movie after the other.  Can anybody tell me why one would suffer through beatings, kidnapping, adultery, horrendous relationships, and then more beatings?  

Sometimes my hubby walks in and says, “Why do you watch that shit?  It’s all the same.  I can tell you the ending right now.  She dies.”  The only way I can respond is by answering, I don’t know. I just don’t know.

But this Saturday, I watched a Lifetime movie that actually had a bit of substance, a bit of information one could take away from it, and for Lifetime, that’s something unique.   A women goes back home after a breakup to rekindle her life.  As she is cleaning out her closet, looking through old photos and memories, she notices a slip of yellowed paper, which was stuck inside an old yearbook.  The paper said” 7 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE.  As the woman is reading her list, she realizes she’s done none of the things she’s planned to do

     Zilch.     Nada.      An unfinished life.   She might as well display a big “L” on her forehead.

She wanted to be a rock star.  No can do, unless karaoke counts.  She wanted to marry Ricky, the hot guy from high school.  Unavailable.  She wanted to get a rose tattoo. She’s clean as a baby, except for some little scars on her ankle.  She desired to dance under the moon.  Very feasible, realistic, but she hasn’t even done that yet.

 This concept was something to mull over.  What 7 things would I want to do?  Because I know damn well, my life is unfinished, too.  I know my clock is ticking, babe. I feel the slimy fingers sliding its way down my body…  I feel the urgency inside my bones…my blood flowing quickly though my veins.

Here’s what I’m thinking….

1.      I will learn Spanish.  I took a year of Spanish already, but I only know how to articulate hello, goodbye, and you’re crazy.  That’s it. Oh, and I can order water with lemon.  Woopty do.  After spending thousands of dollars at university, this is all I get?  Yes, this is something I would do.  I wonder if Antonio Banderasis available to give lessons.

2.      One thing that sounds strange and honest to god, my boys would assume I’ve gone off my rocker, my husband would declare, “But you’re a mom and 40 something!”  But I’ve always wanted to get mynose pierced.  You know, wear a little sparking diamond like one of those belly dancers, one of those exotic Arab women?  And also, I think one of those diamonds would look cool inside a poet’s nose!  Mysterious. One would stare and wonder, what is glittering upon her face?

3.     I will publish a book. DAH…isn’t this what we all want? I want to write a book that people will read and savor, then declare loudly, “I am changed!    I am born again! “Come on, girls, Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) isn’t the only woman out there who can make a huge impact on us.  Right?  Anyhow, publishing a book is definitely at the top of my priority list.

4.     I will travel to Kenya to meet Mercy Adhiambo in her village of Kogelo. I will meet the girl-child there, find out what they need, want, desire.  I will connect the two worlds together as Mercy has done with me…Along with others, (because we cannot do it all alone) we will give the girl-child a voice to express herself.  I will also travel to Nairobi .The first time will be for Mercy’s graduation and the second time will be for her inauguration. Yes, all of this will come to be.

5.      I will cut my hair and tint it with caramel and chocolate.  There is a photo I’ve been carrying in my purse for eight years of Halle Barry. Seriously.  Her hair is sassy, sexy, and short.  Sometimes hair says so much about a woman. It makes its own statement.  I can see it now, walking into a room, and everybody wondering who the woman is with the powerful haircut, the woman making a hell of a statement...  “It’s me!” I’ll shout.  “I finally got out of the 80s, honey!”

6.     Read War & Peace, Grapes of Wrath, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Wuthering Heights, and lots of Dostoevsky.  I have books, books, and more books just screaming at me to open their spines, caress their bodies, tell me I love them.  Some of the books have beautiful book markers stuck inside them, some are shaded in yellow marker, some are waterlogged from bath water, and some have folded dog ears.  But, you see, they are unfinished, which is just as tragic as not reading them at all.

7.     I have this deep, burning issue about weight and age.  It’s psychological.  It’s unrealistic. It must be a childhood thang.  I lied at my own reunion about how old I was.  Some guy asked me how old I was.  I mean, I graduated with the fool.  Nonetheless, I lied about it.   I gave my hubby this order: if I die, god forbid, you cannot use my real age in the obituary because the people I’ve been lying to all of these years will see it and scream, “Whaaat the hell!”  It’s disturbing.  It’s embarrassing.  And about the weight.  Don’t you fricken dare ask me how much I weigh unless you want some ass-kickin,’ okay?  Even during my yearly doctor’s appointments, while I am on the scale, that is, after I take off my rings, necklaces, and socks, I beg the nurse, “Please, don’t say a word about the number!”  So what I’m trying to say is -- I will try to be more honest about my age and weight.  Accept it.  Love it.  Embrace it.  Because what is the alternative?

Perhaps you can think about your own unfinished life, your unfinished words scattered throughout the house, the incomplete sentences you’d like to articulate? Whatever it is, finish it…say it…..do it…complete it.   Start today.

Look!  All of this insight and direction from a stupid, hollow Lifetime movie!  Who would have imagined? 

krrobi

Skirtsetter

Educator / Writer