~Inspired by Charlene (Again) read her blog  http://skirt.com/node/23638

      I guess we all have a secret list of who we’d sleep with if given half the chance (Yeah, like most of us would have a chance in hell).  But if I could, I do have my hidden lovers, my burning desires, and my dream boyfriends I’d like to get in the sack.  And if a woman says she does not, if she says she only has eyes for her husband, if she admits she would never, ever, glance at another man, well, honestly, I think she’s lying through her teeth.   Either that or she doesn’t have a pulse.  

      Let’s get this strait right of the bat; I would NOT cheat on my husband.  Morally, ethically, and spiritually, this is dead wrong and I could never live with that elephant on my back ,or kiss my husband after being kissed by another man…but  if one were to speak hypothetically and if one were to speak as if they have no decency or conscious or values, would I do it?  Would I have sex with another man?  Would I choose a movie star, a rock star, a politician, perhaps?   You’re damn right I would, and then I would repeat after that, Heeeell Yes.

      I have dreamed about having sex with other men. I even felt guilt the morning afterwards, like an utter whore.  I feel a bit embarrassed admitting this, but it’s true, and Elizabeth, you’d better hold your hat on and grasp onto your latte, or you’ll burn you kitty kat (a real animal not what you may be thinking, piggies)….but I dreamed I went to bed with George Bush.   Oh, yeah, honey, and he was good and I liked him for two days afterwards.  Yep.  And I’ve been with Brad Pitt three times and he worshiped the ground I walked on, thought I was the most stunning creature that ever walked the earth.  I mean, this guy really loved me.  I told my sister about the dream and she said, “Well, I’ve been with Brad more than you and not only that, but he likes me better!”  Let’s see, who else?  Oh, yeah, I was making out with my next door neighbor in one of my dreams and he’s very unattractive (sort of like that cable guy) so I’ll need to get out my Sigmund Freud text and check out the meaning of this mystery.  I don’t even like the damn guy.

      Anyhow, let’s get to the sex list.  The man at the top of my list, and I mean undeniably the very peak of the freaking inventory— is Hugh Laurie.  There is something subtle and strongly sexual about Hugh. I can almost sense his breath upon my cheek; feel his four day stubble against my skin. Well, maybe it’s not Hugh I’m in love with; perhaps it’s the character he plays on TV.  I find his naughtiness and snootiness and bad-boy behavior somewhat intriguing, exciting stimulating.  And it helps that every women desires him and he desires no one but himself.  He’s challenging, smart as hell, witty, unkempt, and needs a mama’s nurturing REAL BAD.  I can do that.

      I have a thing for Anderson Cooper, too.  I like the way his eyes squint as if smoke is blowing inside them or the sun is too bright or he’s thinking profound and deep thoughts.  I’d like to sit and talk with him about the election, global warming, the Congo.  I’d like to put satin sheets on my bed and slide around the silky material with him.  I’d like to French kiss him in the kitchen.  But mostly, I’d like to give him a microphone so that he can be my own personal commentator.  

      Bono makes my toes curl, honey.  I mean curl up like I’m going to take a magic carpet ride. I’d like to lay my head on his lap while he sings “Don’t know what I’m lookingfor.”   Okay, it help that he’s Irish, too.  He can whisper wicked Irish words inside my ear. He can do any damn thing he pleases.  I am completely and utterly turned on by men who see other things in the world besides themselves.  Bono does.  He says this: “As a rock star, I have two instincts, I want to have fun, and I want to change the world. “Oh, darlin’ can I go with you to the rain forest and then after we save the world, we can have some FUN!”

      I know a professor from college. (I shant reveal his name)  He is 60 and grey and very married; he is out of this world.  He is amazingly intellectual, brilliant, and philosophical. When he speaks the hairs on my arms rise up, and a heat wave travels from the floor to the ceiling and twists around my entire body.  We talk about Freud, Plath, human behavior, and life-changing books.  We talk about life.  I can’t help but think he knows or suspects I’m wildly crazy about him.  I wrote him an eail and said, “I have fallen in love with your mind.”   

    Sometimes one can have sex with the mind.

      My sex- list changes all the time.  What I have come to realize is that it has Never really been about appearance or a tight butt or a chiseled face.  For me, I’ve incessantly loved men who have breathtaking brains and a keen understanding about the world we live in, humanity, and God.    This sort of man gets me all tingly and untamed and freaky.  I become somebody else all together; perhaps, who I really am. 

      This is why I’ll have hot and heavy sex with my own husband tonight! 

OTHER MIND BLOWING MEN ON MY LIST:    Sean Penn, Sting, David Cook, Jon Bon Jovi, Steven Colbert, and a few other professors at my university

krrobi

Skirtsetter

Educator / Writer