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MissAttitude

Freelance Writer, Blogger, Web Producer and Adjunct Professor

I'm a professional woman in my 30s who's spent the last 13 years working in TV news. I love shoes, shopping and blogging. I also have an advice column. In the name of full disclosure I have to admit I don’t have a background in psychology, unless you count that one college course freshman year ...

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We need a genetic test of some sort for this one

The other day I was e-mailing with a friend who told me his divorce is about to be final.  He has two young children and his story reads very similarly to the one I wrote about  last week.  I'm hoping one day he'll share that story with all of you.  In the meantime, we were discussing what it's like for me to be a woman in her 30s who's still single versus someone who's the same age, divorced and with kids.  I hope he won't mind me sharing our exchange, because it really got me thinking.  

Quite honestly, I am scared about the dating scene because of the following scenarios.
1. Chick with kids, not sure I wanna deal with someone else's kids although I have my own (a double standard?)
2. Chick with no kids and divorced... Probably hears the clock ticking and is in a hurry. Scares the shit out of me. I wanna be sure before I do anything.
3. Chick with no kids and never married. Why hasn't she been married before? Bad luck? Has she been screwed over before and is jaded? Or is she a train wreck? Has she slipped through the cracks and I am a luck[y] guy?

Your thoughts are welcome Miss Attitude.

Here's how I responded:

1. Yes, definitely a double standard there.
2. What if she doesn't want kids at all? And besides what men think, not all women have ticking clocks.
3. I think this is my territory. There may not be anything wrong with her at all. Just because she hasn't found someone worth marrying and didn't want to settle doesn't mean she's a train wreck or jaded. And yes it is possible that other men just didn't realize what they had when they had it. Then again, she could be crazy;)

He responded to me again agreeing with #1 "Quid pro quo" and questioning if the woman in my #2 scenario would want his kids or if he would want to have a baby in a few years when he's 40.  As for #3 he suggested "we need genetic test of some sort for this one."  He said it's better to know up front if someone's crazy, then spending precious years on someone who may eventually wind up being nuts.

Of course you'd rather know up front, who wouldn't??? Looking back, I wonder if my advice should have been more reassuring.  But the things is, there are no promises.  Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith when you meet someone who may be worth it and you can't live in the past.  

Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude

www.missattitude.us