Following up on this month’s delicious theme.

I remember eating all that I wanted from a wonderful Indian buffet.  Sopping up the curry sauce from my chicken with a piece of the thick Indian bread called naan.  I also remember totally enjoying my preferred dish at my favorite Vietnamese restaurant as I mixed the white jasmine rice into the coconut curry sauce of the chicken.  Delicious!   All of this was before I decided to cut my eating down for good.  This was pre-lap band surgery.

After being overweight for close to twenty years I made a huge decision in December of 2007. I decided to have Gastric Lap Band surgery.  Since then I have lost forty pounds and my relationship with food has changed.

I was always slightly overweight, even as a child.  I wasn’t fat and I wasn’t slim in high school, but college was a totally different story.  It was there that I gained the freshman fifteen and then some.  I was disappointed in myself, but I didn’t want to give that impression to anyone else.  I hid behind a false bravado and an outgoing personality.  This carried me through my twenties and beyond and for a long time I convinced myself that I loved myself just the way I was.

I met my husband in 1995 and we were married in August of 1997.

When I entered my thirties I became pregnant with my first child.  Imagine my surprise and fear when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.  I was very strict with myself all through my pregnancy and I was able to keep the diabetes under control with diet and exercise.  I visited a dietician and I learned how to eat the right way.  I didn’t cut out carbs completely, but I learned how to control my intake and how to balance my meals.  I lost thirty pounds after having the baby and after nursing.  Unfortunately for me, I soon threw all that out the door and I within two years I had gained back the weight that I lost.

Soon I was pregnant with my son and this time diet and exercise did not keep the diabetes at bay.  I had to take insulin shots the second half of my pregnancy.  I had bruises on the inside of the top of my arms and I took care to wear blouses that extended to my elbows.  I felt like a drug user hiding her habit.  You would have thought that that would have been enough of a wake-up call, but it wasn’t.  After giving birth to my son I went right back to the same eating habits and I again gained back the thirty pounds I had lost during and after the pregnancy.

That’s when I knew that the only way I could lose weight was by placing myself into an extreme situation.  In both cases I had lost thirty pounds because I was in a circumstance where I had to follow the rules. I knew that I had to eat right or my child’s health was at stake.  Funny I didn’t think about my own health.

When I heard how the lap band works I knew that it was the solution for me.  It’s a gastric band that goes around the stomach and restricts the amount of food that a person can take in.  What attracted me to the idea was that it is less intrusive than gastric bypass surgery and that it is reversible.  It is one of the safest weight surgeries around.  No, it may not be for every one, but I think it was the right solution for me.

There are rules you have to follow and no, it’s not all easy, but at least it gave me a head start and the kick in the butt that I needed.  Unfortunately some people think that the lap band is a miracle cure that will do all the work for you. 

I always remember my doctor saying this to me the day before surgery. “Some people get the lap band here (pointing at his stomach) but they don’t get the lap band here (pointing at his head).”  That has stuck with me through all of this and, although yes I do have my days of weakness, I try to remember what my doctor said.

In the nine months that I have had the lap band, my relationship with food has changed in many ways.  For one, I no longer view food as purely pleasure and I see it as sustenance.  I eat to live instead of living to eat.

There are days when my lap band feels especially tight, and I can’t eat very much, or I have to stick to soup or something soft.  I have a new appreciation for food now.  I appreciate the days I can eat and I realize on those days that I can’t eat very much that I need to take in some kind of nutrition.

It wasn’t like that for me before.  I really believe that pre-lap band I took my ability to eat for granted.  I make a good living and food has always been available to me.  I never really thought about what a privilege this was.  I mean, I appreciated what I had in life, but I took for granted that I could eat any time I wanted and I abused this privilege. 

Now I have to stop and think.  I have to test myself with something small or I have to drink something first to gauge how tight I am that day.  Gone are the days of eating as many slices of pizza as I want.  I no longer have days of going to a Chinese buffet and serving myself two or three times.  I can’t eat bread and I can only eat rice and pasta in very tiny amounts.

I’ve always loved food. I appreciate many different cuisines and I can eat almost anything, except for raw tomatoes, which I hate.  The thing is, I can still eat, but in small amounts.  Now I stop and appreciate food and I only eat things worth eating.

What’s the reward?  Most people who lose weight slowly, like I am with the lap band, are less likely to gain the weight back and they keep diseases, like diabetes, at bay.  Diabetes runs very strong in my family.  My grandmother, mother, and aunt all died from diabetes complications.

Yes, keeping the diabetes away and watching my children grow up is worth every tiny delicious bite!  

I would be lying if I said I don’t long for the day when I can eat a flour tortilla again.  I had a dream that I ate a slice of pizza the other night!  Until that day comes I will continue savoring the delicious feeling I get when I see the scale move and when I fit into a smaller size, knowing that I’m moving closer to health.