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Krrobi

Teacher / Writer

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Mrs. Narcissist

Kim Sisto Robinson

~There are two kinds of people in the world; those who walk into a room and says “Ahh, there you are!”  And those who walk into a room and say, “Here I am!” ---Frederick L. Collins (Which kind of person are you?)      

I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore! I just exited Barnes & Noble, and I'm simply exhausted. I feel as if I’ve just finished the Boston marathon. I met my so-called-girlfriend for a latte, and honesty, I never so much as uttered a single word. All right, maybe I said hello, but does that really count? She talked and talked and talked. She talked about her job, grad school, her snotty kids, her idiotic husband, the in-laws, the poodle having fleas; you name it. I'm surprised she didn't tell me about her regular bowel movements or lift up her t-shirt to reveal her perky new boobies. 

For two long, excruciating hours, I sat nodding and saying,   “Oh, you’re on the Dean’s list? You bought a Gucci bag?  How nice that your kids are geniuses?  Your life is simply magnificent.” All the while I’m peeking at my watch thinking, when is this is going to end.   I can’t take one more second of this hot air discharging from her cherry lips; I’m not going to listen to this narcissism and selfishness and nothingness blowing in my face.  Nope. I’m just not going to listen for one more minute.

SHUUUUUT YOUR BIG MOUTH!  I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

This so-called-girlfriend didn’t even ask about my children (although they’re not perfect), my husband (he’s not perfect, either), or my well-being (it’s really good). I could have told her I was recently diagnosed with cancer, and she would have replied with her whipped creamed Latté breath, “Well isn’t that too bad,” and then continued the story of her oh-so-perfect-life.

How the hell does somebody build a relationship when the other side is only interested in hearing their own ridiculous, monotone voice?    Tell me this.   ME. ME. ME.  I. I . I.  Not one of her sentences started with You.   Not one. On the way home from Barnes and Noble, I was burning inside, getting really pissed off at myself for accepting her self-centered behavior.  I continued going over our one way conversation in my head.   Although, I did manage to slide in one sentence, which normally I wouldn’t have said, because it sounds like boasting, but I was mad as hell, so I exclaimed, “I won the Diane Glancy award in poetry last year.”  

Mrs. Narcissist paused for an extensive, uncomfortable amount of time, hell I could’ve read my entire O Magazine from cover to cover while I waited her to spit out some remarkable words, some extraordinary comment, some congratulatory observation. I finally repeated, “Did you hear me?”  It was quite awkward.  And I swear on my cat, Charlie, she never so much as articulated a solitary sound.  Silence. Actually, it was the first time she was quiet for two full hours.

I WON A POETRY AWARD, BITCH! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF?

I ask you this, how does one build a relationship with a person such as this?  I mean, my time is precious-- like a valuable jewel; I have a full time job, kids to cater to, cleaning to accomplish, blogs to write, reading for my book club, a husband to spoil, 2 cats to feed, family events, and supper to make (I’m thinking about this as she’s talking at me), and here I am stuck with Mrs. Narcissist as she gulps her latte’ between a million syllables pouring from her mouth.

While driving home, I come to the realization that I will not meet her anymore.  No, I shant.  And that’s that.  I feel liberated in some small way for coming to this conclusion.  Free.  Empowered.  I desire friends who truly care about me.  ME.  My family. My passions

And I also feel bad.  I can’t help myself.  Because she continues calling me, calling me; I see her name flashing on the caller ID as if screaming--- ‘pick up, answer, I need, I need, I need….” and I cannot answer the phone.  I cannot. I cannot absorb one more minute of her life into my brain, her empty words, her flawlessness. I cannot do this without despising the ground she walks on.