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Eyerollingmom

freelance feature columnist; substitute teacher; reality-TV-has-been

I am a tremendous fan of all things witty. If you are funny, you are likely my friend. I would leave my husband for Jon Stewart, Keith Urban or Sawyer from "Lost" and he's well aware of it. I am happiest writing and raising four kids (yet I'd trade any or all of them for great shoes). ...

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What to Wear...?

by Tina Drakakis

It’s gettin’ chilly here in New England and we all know what that means:  Halloween’s a-comin!  You’d think with four kids I’d be excited to see what the gremlins will be racing about in that night but ahhh, no.  This is all about me.  I am a bit fanatical (some might say annoying, hmm?) about thinking up stupendous costumes for Kathy & Rich’s annual party.

Back in the day (cue in obligatory eye roll from my kids here) my college campus was – like every other college campus was and still is – bursting with costume creativity.  It was my favorite time of year.  While I’m still hard pressed to find anything that comes close to besting Paul Murphy’s “have you seen me?/missing child on a milk carton” (try maneuvering a crowded pub in that one), I’ve seen a few good ones in my time.

Two years ago James & I were a hit.  I got to wear stilettos and he got to wear a bald cap and fake hoop earring (we were Howie Mandel and a briefcase girl from Deal or No Deal).  When he finally took off his head rubber, two-and-a-half liters of sweat came with it.  That’s it, he declared.  Next year he was wearing sneakers and I was going to be the one in discomfort (I know… like it was all roses for me… couldn’t he see I was balancing my drink AND that shiny briefcase all night?)   Whatever….

So last year we were both in sneakers and comfortable:  we bought XXXL t-shirts from NBC.com and went as The Biggest Losers.  Padded to the max.  Sweat bands.  Water bottles (filled with beer).  Empty Doritos bags and ice cream containers…  It was (high-pitched-soprano-voice) AWESOME.

Okay.  Before the hate mail comes pouring in:  I totally get it.  I know it wasn’t very politically correct (come on, most good Halloween costumes are not -- like the aforementioned exploited child).  But it was funny. It was a riot actually.  And watching us dance….just a scream….  Admit it;  funny.

Now I’ve got some big shoes to fill (no pun intended) for this year.  I’ve got a few things in mind but I’m keeping them on my B-list for now and --  of course – top secret, hoping to come up with something equally (high-pitched-soprano-voice) AWESOME again.  I will divulge what I’ve passed on:  much as we’d probably be a hoot, James isn’t too keen on growing back a goatee to help us pull off chunky Carlos and overweight Gabrielle Soleis from “Desperate Housewives” (day-am, I would’ve gotten to wear heels again).  There’s still plenty of time, though….

Richie, if you’re reading this:  game on, brutha….