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Renee CK

writer, editor, tweetable http://twitter.com/chicskirt

I'm a fun girl who's on a quest to figure it all out. I'm cynical but living the dream- I'm not sure how that happened exactly. Follow along in my blog for fun, mayhem, and merriment. There's never a dull day! (Or, go download my book!)...

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The Hardest Goodbye

breaking up is hard to do

My Women and I got together last night to see The Women circa 2008.  Apparently the 1939 version is better but we’ll see when my gay husbands unpack, find their copy, and we play it in my bff’s media room.

In the movie, the best friends “break up”.  I totally understood what they were talking about because I had a best friend break up last year.  In the context of the movie, there was confusion between what breakup the character was talking about, the cheating husband or her best friend- both sounded awful.

So, which is worse?  Breaking up with a best friend or breaking up with a boyfriend/husband?  On the surface, you’d think it’s the husband, right?  Having to undo years of togetherness via legal channels, having the stationary and addresses changed, cleaning out closets with long-held items in them that you didn’t plan to see until your kids dragged them out upon your death.  (And we’re not exclusively talking Chanel dresses here.)  Long-term partners are deep seeded in your life. But, usually these types of breakups come because they’re no longer fufilling.  The love stops. The respect stops. You grew apart someplace (motioning over my shoulder) back there.

However, a best friend.  Whew. That’s a lot of emotion.  A best friend knows everything about you, if they’re really the best friend. They even know the ugly sides of you, the ones that you are glad you’re friends because otherwise they would use that information to smear you.  She is the one who calls you at 9:17AM on your birthday because she knows you slept in because it is your birthday, but that your husband doesn’t even remember that it is your birthday.  And she calls him immediately after to remind him and tell him to make you breakfast in bed because you’re up.  These kind of breakups come because you are too close to the situation. You know everything and trying to help sometimes feels like a personal attack, even if you don’t mean it to.  The love is still there.  It hurts because you respect her opinion so much.  You’re (fingers micrometers apart) this close since (motioning over my shoulder) back there.

So, which is worse?  Breaking up with a partner or your best friend? 

Enjoy!
Renee

P.S.
In the movie, in a fabulous scene, the best friends get back together sitting on a set of steps knowing how much they need each other in their lives.  For me it was pulling out the stuff to make 30 gallons of butternut squash soup and not having bff to make it with.  No bringing up the fissure that broke us up. Quietly moving forward because we know how much we need each other. Bff, you know who you are and I adore you.  Everyone else, I wish my kind of bff for you.